My Life Within Yours
by EasyHeart
Summary: Bella experiences a lifetime tragedy. Will be Edward able to help her through the worst and hardest? Even when he has his own life? Or had...? What will they end up finding out? Find out yourself! Lemons&Language.
1. Chapter 1 Breakdown BPOV

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things **_**Twilight**_**, and no copyright infringement is intended. All songs included in this piece are the property of their original writers/owners.**

******There is no financial gain being made by this fiction.**

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**Hello! I'm here with my very first attepmt at FanFic! I've been mainly reading many FF's so I know my story could have some possible similarities with some other stories, but i can assure you i am not copying anything!!!**

**Please, follow me on my way through this story, even though you don't know much about it yet! The punch line of my story will be revealed around the third chap (rough guess).**

**Here you go, i hope you'll like it!**

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**My Life Within Yours**

**Chapter 1 - Breakdown**

**BPOV**

I sat on the couch, rocking back and forth, trying to block out the annoying sounds of sirens around the house. It wasn't working. I couldn't bring myself to think how had this all happened, what I had done wrong. What had I done to deserve this?

I heard voices somewhere nearby, but I didn't hear what they were saying. I couldn't focus on anything. Suddenly I felt a hand against my forehead, and then I realized I'd closed my teary eyes. One certain voice was now louder than the others, so I assumed the person was talking to me. I couldn't compose myself enough to listen to them though. It wasn't even any of the familiar voices, it had to be some cop or parademic or something, and I wasn't concerned about any of them one bit.

Out of nowhere two big hands curled up under me and lifted me off the couch. I stiffed and screamed blood murder the second I stopped feeling the couch underneath me. In an instant I started to fight him. I realized it was a cop from dad's guard, which he'd used to have always when he'd got to the town from time to time.

I just wanted them to let me alone. I needed to feel a spray of cold water against my body. I needed to wake up from this nightmare. I had to get out of here.

The police officer tried to hug me closer to his body so trying to soothe me, which just made me fight more. I slipped from his arms, falling onto the hard floor back forward. Unfortunately, the floor was too hard and my breath caught back in my throat. I couldn't breathe as I lied there, struggling for the required oxygen. My vision blurred with tears again and I knew there were too many people when I started to feel an odd burning in my chest. And then everything went black.

**************

_Maybe I'd die. If I die I wouldn't have to deal with any of the grief that was awaiting me if I wake up. When you don't have anything in the world that you want to live for, why would you ever wanted to live? I wasn't stupid. I knew that if ever wake up, there would be so much of the mess everywhere around. Explaining of what had happened, why it had happened and plus I didn't have anywhere to go. I had nothing, everyone that I loved, the only two people in the world I loved, had died and I was left alone. _

_Ouch, it burns. It hurts._

_Stop it, please. What is this thing? Where am I? Why does it hurt so much? Every inch of my body hurts!_

_Oww!_

**************

I woke up to the beeping sounds surrounding me, my head instantly starting to hurt some more. I kept my eyes closed planning to get a bit more rest, when I felt someone touched my forehead.

My eyes fluttered open, my head starting to pound forcefully when I saw a mid-aged woman checking my vitals. Her clothes were white, so I could only assume she was a doctor. Of mine.

"Bella? Do you hear me honey?" she was being sweet, great. I needed that right away. Why just couldn't they let me be? Oh yeah, they care.

_Silly me._

I nodded my head at her and a smile spread across her face. She patted my arm and talked."Listen, when you passed out, we had to bring you here because we weren't sure if you were harmed in any way," she stopped talking and looked around uncomfortably. I knew what was coming. "Did he touch you in a way you didn't want him to, Bella?" I closed my eyes again. This was the last thing I wanted to talk or hear about right now. To feel _that_ pain. To think back about what had happened. I shuddered.

"Bella, I know you are not exactly comfy whit that topic, not yet anyway, or even ever. But I need to know. If it weren't important I wouldn't bother you right now, trust me," she seemed too relaxed to feel like really talking about such a thing.

"Yes," I whispered clutching my eyes together tightly, already feeling the tears. My whole body was tense and I felt the need to punch something, or shout, or for crying out loud just to relieve the tension that was rolling off of me in waves.

"I found bruises on your thighs Bella, I know what he did, I just needed the confirmation from you so he could be sued." I couldn't believe it was possible but my body tensed some more.

"He's free?" I asked in a very small voice.

"Yes, he ran off," she said in a low tone. "But I believe it won't be hard to find him, don't worry about it now," she was calm again, which alone worried me. Nothing to worry about? Yeah, right.

I shuffled on the uncomfortable bed, willing for the pain to go away.

"Do you want some painkiller, honey?" she asked noticing my movements.

"Yes, I would appreciate that," I admitted. She turned around then, walking from the room, only to be back again with a needle in her hand.

If I wasn't in such a pain I would have definitely refused it. I hated needles. But now, I could only think about the sleep I would get from that little thing. It was worth it at the moment.

I felt my eyes getting too heavy, and I closed them more than willingly. I drifted away in a matter of seconds, entering a temporary heaven of the dreamless slumber.

**************

When I woke up again, I was downright confused. The room was dark and outside probably likewise. I was scared, I was trembling, and I wanted to go home.

_Slap_

Home. I wanted to go home, but I didn't have one. My home had left a few days ago, when …… the…… horrific things …h-h-happened. I had tears in my eyes yet again. I knew I had to make many important decisions now. I didn't have any strength left, but I needed to do at least one decision. I needed to decide whether I wanted to go on living, _or not_.

I didn't have a reason to continue living, I was ashamed of myself. I could have fought him, I could have done something so he wouldn't have gone that far. I should have been quiet, if I didn't scream him would never find me.

_It was my fault._

Two streams of tears were descending my cheeks as I reached for the needle that was in my wrist, deep in my vien. My breathing sped on, I heard my pulse in my ears as I fingered the needle carefully. I wanted to do this, I had to. There was no chance left now.

Here we go.

_Please forgive me for everything I've done wrong. Love you mom and dad. Forgive me. Goodbye._

The door cracked open, lightening the room slightly. There was a human's frame on the threshold, obviously not knowing if she or he could come in. My heart was running fifty miles per hour, as I didn't know who the person was. The light came from the hallway, so I didn't see them, but they could see me perfectly fine.

I held the cover in my left fist so tightly, that my knuckles had to be white. My right hand was now frozen on the needle on the my hand, my whole body shaking violently with fear.

"W-w-who –re you-u," I stuttered breathlessly. The person groaned, although I didn't know why.

"I'm sorry I scared you, don't be afraid," the male voice said soothingly, even though there wasn't much, that could soothe me at the moment. "My dad sent me to give you some meds," now I was confused. Whose dad? "Uh, I, my dad is Carlisle Cullen, I suppose he's one of your doctors," Cullen? Dr. Cullen? Yeah, finally a familiar name, though I'd never met the doctor personally.

"W-why t-the meds," my words were barely audible but I just didn't get it.

"He said your heartbeat accelerates too much and you need to rest, so I should give you some meds," he explained. He stood still in the doorway, probably waiting for me to let him in. But I didn't see his face and I was too afraid. "I'm not an employee here, but you don't have to be afraid of me," he laughed and sounded nervous, "I'm sure it won't hurt you," he seemed to notice the hint of curiousness behind all that fear and added ", all nurses were elsewhere, so my dad sent me."

He was in the doorway for a few more seconds, before slowly walking over to me. He lit up the light on the nightstand so we could see each one better.

And then I saw the most beautiful face I'd ever seen.

The green eyes were the first thing I noticed. They were so deep and so nice! He had his hair everywhere, and it had a beautiful shade of browny-bonze color. That two colors seemed so fitting to his handsome features. He was like as if he just stepped out from a cover of a magazine. I was so stunned that I wasn't able to talk. I knew if I wouldn't say something soon, he would probably think I was retarded.

"Are you okay?" he asked me gently, breaking the silence. I wanted to nod my head yes, but I couldn't, because I wasn't okay. I wasn't okay one bit. I was such a mess.

He reached out and touched my hand, where it still had a hold on the needle. "You'd better let go of this, you don't want to hurt yourself, do you?" He looked deep down into my eyes, into my soul. Then he frowned and tugged on my unmoving hand. I finally let go of the needle, and he obviously relaxed next to me.

It was until I gasped at the realization, that he'd touched me and I was totally okay with it. I wasn't screaming, and god, I didn't even flinch away.

He held his hand out for me, handing me my meds and I took them, rolling them over in my palm."Could you bring me a glass of water, please?" I asked, as I wasn't used to swallow any pills without water.

"Sure, I'll be right back," he said and swiftly turned and disappeared. A few moments later, there was a knock on the door and he came in again, this time with a glass of water.

"Thank you," I said as I reached for the glass. I popped the pills into my mouth and drank some water to splash them down.

"No, it's okay. I should be thanking you that you took the pills so willingly," he said casually. "Dad told me you're a stubborn little one," he smirked at his words. My brow creased. Little one?

"Who are you," I had to ask.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm Edward Cullen, Dr. Cullen's son." He walked over for the chair in the corner and brought it so that he was sitting right next to me,"you're Isabella, right? Isabella Swan." I cringed at the sound of my full name. I never liked it.

"Yes, but call me Bella, if anything please," I begged him. The last thing I needed now was my full name on a daily basis.

"Okay, so Bella it is," he smiled up at me. "So why are you here? You don't seem like you have both legs broken or something," he wondered.

Why should I tell him, even if I were ready to tell? That's the first thing, I wasn't ready. That's for sure. I couldn't even bring myself to think about what had happened, let alone to talk about it. It brought physical pain inside of me, inside of my heart, just to think about this. I simply couldn't.

I probably started to shake again, maybe even cry, because he suddenly stood and leaned over me, to see me clearly.

"You don't have to tell me, if it makes you this uncomfortable," he said, his face expressionless. "I don't know anything about what happened to you, so …" he trailed off.

"I can't even think about it, let alone talk," I murmured, meeting his eyes.

"Do you want me to go away?" he asked, reaching for my hand. I flinched this time. He was too close to me, and I didn't want him this close."What…" he started to question when the bright light hit my eyes.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" growled rather angry voice. The man who entered was tall and probably mid-aged, had blonde hair and blue piercing eyes which were now focused on Edward.

"What the fuck dad? You just scared the crap outta me! I just gave her the meds, for crying out loud," said Edward angrily.

"Go get to my office, now," the tension in doctor's voice palpable. Edward turned to me once more, giving me an apologetic smile and exited the room.

"I'm sorry I sent him to give you the pills, Bella. I thought he would go right back. Are you okay?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"Yeah, I'm good," I asked, stunned. Why shouldn't I be?

"I suppose I've never met you personally. I'm Carlisle Cullen, one of your doctors," he said politely. "You don't have any visual damage, beside the bruises, but you'll have to go for a therapy, that's sure," I gulped.

"Therapy? Like talking about what happened?" I asked in a small voice.

"Yes Bella, the sooner you get this out of you the sooner you can live the normal life again," he stated calmly. As if I had the normal life anymore. "You're going home tomorrow, because the hospital is out of capacity these days," I took a sharp intake of breath.

"I don't have exactly where to go right now," I whispered in a trembling voice.

"Oh, you have honey, you have a new small apartment that was purchased for you," he claimed.

"What?" I was shocked.

"Someone told me they have an apartment for you, you can be there until the case is solved," how he could be this calm about it? Didn't he realize I don't wanna be alone now? "Are you okay with it, right?" he sounded hopeful.

"Sure I am," I lied "thank you."

"Okay, so that's it. I'll send someone to check on you, now try to sleep," he ordered.

"I'll try."

He went out and closed the door behind him. But I didn't sleep. I was thinking about the fact, that tomorrow I would be leaving the hospital. I would end up alone in an apartment I'd never been to. Awesome. I really loved my life more each day.

I clutched my eyes tightly together. I wanted to scream so fucking much. I wanted to be free of this suffering. I would give anything for the life I'd used to have in high school. I wasn't anyone special, not at all. The very opposite, I might add. I was sitting alone on the most of my classes, but I didn't care. I'd had my books, my family and my only friend Jake and I was totally content. Now I had nothing.

_Ugh, back up girl!_

My inner voice woke up finally. Yes, I knew I couldn't think about that right now. But what should I do now? I couldn't just go on living like I'd used to, that was impossible when the only people you were ever bonded to, were all dead! Oh my god! I was really going to get insane over here! I needed to cry this out, I needed to scream this out! Whatever, I just needed that release. And desperately.

_Then cry. What's stopping you?_

I scowled the voice. Was I going to break down just like that? Did I even have a choice?

The tears became forming under my closed eyelids. I knew they were inevitable. So I opened my eyes and let the tears moist my cheeks. I was beginning to sob and whine, but I couldn't stop once I started. I couldn't think of anything I'd done to be thrown into such a situation. And I was becoming hysteric now. I began to hit the sheets with my hands. There was a sharp pain in my chest, which just wouldn't go away! Ugh! No!

I felt I was growing weaker every time I hit the bed. I let out an agonized breath and my hands, too heavy to hold them by my will, fell along my sides. I felt the meds starting to do things with my body. I was too weak now to think straight, my vision was far too cloudy. And then I drifted off into the deepest sleep I'd ever had.

**************

"Bella! Bella! Hell, wake up!" a frantic voice screamed and I felt someone's hand shaking me awake. I opened my eyes and saw Edward, his eyes full of horror.

"What's going on?" I asked startled, shielding away from him.

"What? You were screaming as if someone tortured you to death for god's sake!" he threw his arms up in frustration.

"What.." I said, trying to remember what was going on with me last few hours. I'd fallen asleep and then ….he woke me up. There was nothing in between.

"You don't remember having a nightmare?" he asked stunned.

I thought back what I'd been dreaming of. There was… I couldn't remember. I remembered falling asleep rather quickly, and then just waking up. I didn't know I'd had a nightmare.

"No," I said hoarsely.

"Well, I guess that's good for you," he said "because you were screaming really loud. It could have been a bad nightmare."

"What're you doing here?" I asked, because he had no reason to be here now, aside from waking me from the nightmare I didn't remember having.

"I heard you screaming when I passed by," he told me.

He took the chair and sit on it right beside my bed. He was too close, but I didn't feel the need to pull away. So I let him be near me. As long as he didn't touch me, I would be okay.

"What's the time?" I asked. The room was still just in a dim light so it was probably just early morning.

"It's three in the morning, why?" he sounded unsure.

"Shouldn't I be the one who's asking why?"

"Yeah, I guess. What do you wanna know?" he frowned.

"Mainly why are you here. It's three in the morning, as you said, doesn't sleeping sound better to you?" I wondered.

"Do you mind having me here?"

"You can't answer a question with another question," I complained.

"I was with my dad, cos he's on shift and I study medical university, so I gladly take every opportunity I have to experience this in real," he's going to be a doctor? Hmm…

"You're going to be a doctor?" I asked.

"Yes, I like what my father does and so I want to try to do the same thing," he said.

"That's nice. I'm not able to stomach any blood so –" I stopped suddenly, as I remembered my lastest experience with blood. I had to be really pale now, because I was cold of all sudden. My eyes welled up with tears and I started shaking. I rolled on my side and brought my legs to my chest, hugging them tightly.

He watched me intently, but I couldn't bring myself to care at the moment.

"Bella?" he said warily. I didn't respond, I wasn't able to. Tears were streaming down my cheeks on the pillow, soaking it wet.

One moment I was lying on my bed, hugging my legs, and the next moment I was carried by a pair of strong arms. That very instant as I realized I was being carried, my whole body tensed up. I swallowed hard, and pressed my eyelids tightly together. My breath started to escape my lungs much more often, my breathing shallow.

He must have noticed how much I tensed at his gesture, but he remained in place, still enveloping my entire body in his embrace. He shifted me and sat down on the bed, rocking me slightly in his arms. I would have been more like a carving than a moving being, if there wasn't for my violent shaking. I felt the places where our skin touched and I felt a weird nudging feeling. I didn't know really what that feeling was, but I was certain I'd never felt it before.

I let it go for a moment, just trying to grasp the fact he wasn't letting me go, so I'd probably have to explain this whole thing to him, which I wasn't looking forward to.

I felt his fingertips on my face and this was my undoing. My eyes blinked wide opened, looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Please…just put me down," I whispered shakily.

"How long have you been having panic attacks?" he asked, still holding me.

"Um, I've never had one," I was puzzled.

"Yes, you've had one. Right now, you had a panic attack,"

"Okay, I may not be a doctor, but I've got no reason for such a thing," it wasn't true at all, but I was not going to tell him. Not now anyway.

_Not now anyway? Where the hell did that come from?_

"Bella you just went through a panic attack, so now you do know about it, and try not to think about stuff that frustrates or bothers you in any way," he was not my doctor right?

"As far as I'm concerned, you're not my doctor and I'm perfectly fine, so if you would be that nice and put me down now, I would really appreciate it," that sounded sharper than I meant it to.

"Would _you_ listen to me now? I had to hum and rock you to calm you down, so please don't kick me outta here now," he said firmly.

He _hummed_ me?! I really didn't get the punch line of my funny life sometimes. And how was that I didn't hear him sing? Was I really that lost? Had I had really a panic attack? Suddenly it occurred to me he held me, but I wasn't trembling the slightest. Worse thing was though, I didn't really know what I could think of it. Why I wasn't jumping out of my skin now?

"Okay, I won't kick you outta here. Happy?" it sounded cracked a bit.

He didn't speak. Instead he just stared at me, as if I were some difficult problem he needed to solve. His eyes were radiant green, which left me dazzled and speechless. I saw a little sparkle in his eyes, something I'd never seen in anyone. His intense stare made me melt in his arms, letting me fall limply into his lap. Out of nowhere my lids grew heavy and I knew I won't be able to fight them for long.

"Edward, I'm really tired," I said quietly.

"It's okay I'll let you sleep now," he smiled down at me. He lifted me off of him and got up, placing me back under the covers. I felt the cold matters beneath me, and had to admit his body felt definitely better.

He held out one finger, "one moment, I'll be right back." He dashed from the room and was back before I had a chance to comprehend it.

"Here," he said, holding a piece of paper to me. "It's my phone number and please remember I'm just a phone call away," he leaned over the bed and brushed his warm fingers over my cheek gently, looking me deep in the eyes, smiling.

"Okay," I said softly, "and thank you," I added.

"You're welcome," he gave me one last beaming smile and left me to myself.

I lied back down and stretched on the bed and stared at the white ceiling. Why wasn't I panicking around him now? I knew I had to find answers even for these questions. But I just couldn't afford the luxury of thinking about him now, when I had my life on the verge of breaking down. I had to think of tomorrow first. I had to keep my responsibility, that was something my mom would have wanted me to do.

The thought of my mom brought back the memories and I curled up in a small ball and cried myself to sleep.

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**Author's notes:**

**This is really my very first FF so take it easy on me, please! I wanna update probably once a week. Depends on my free time.**

**Let me know what do you think about this. :)**

**If you have any questions, ask me here http://twitter(dot)com/MissTBK**


	2. Chapter 2 Confused EPOV

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things **_**Twilight**_**, and no copyright infringement is intended. All songs included in this piece are the property of their original writers/owners.**

**There is no financial gain being made by this fiction.**

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**Second chapter! Here we go, enjoy! **

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**Chapter 2 – Confused**

**EPOV**

I've never seen such a beautiful girl.

She looked like the most pure brunette angel.

I left Bella alone after her little breakdown, still thinking about the ways she reacted to her own words. I wasn't sure why, but I needed to know what had happened to her. She looked so frightened and pained, curled up in my arms. I was more than relieved when I saw her relax after my attempts at soothing her.

I knew about her just very little, since dad refused to talk to me about her, showing me how much he appreciated my concern by offending my girlfriend yet again.

"Mind your own fucking stuff and let the girl alone, Edward. She's been through worse things, than I recall ever knowing about. Go to your stupid girlfriend and let this girl be."

Dad confused the fuck out of me these days. I knew he didn't like Tanya, but why he'd chosen to talk about her right when I mentioned Bella? I needed to get some answers, and I needed to get them soon.

I didn't want to go to my apartment. I didn't want to face Tanya today. About a week ago, we'd been in New York together, for her sister's wedding. I was stupid I hadn't put my shit together when she'd first told me about it. So she dragged me over the US just for _her _sister's fucking wedding, when I could have been home, doing more profitable stuff.

When we were lying in the bed that night, we'd fucked again and then she had started rumbling something about us getting engaged or whatever. The moment I'd heard the words from her mouth, I'd felt as if I was kicked in the guts.

I liked Tanya. She was my first real girlfriend. But I was not sure whether I loved her or not. I wasn't even sure what love was at the first place. They say when there's a sparkle between the two people, you can be sure there is, indeed, something more. But I didn't know if I felt that sparkle with Tanya or not.

I think I couldn't be sure, because I was pretty sure our relationship was based mainly on sex. Yes, we'd been living together since we'd moved to Seattle for the college, two years ago. That's the time since we'd been together sexually.

"Hey, honey!" Tanya shrieked when I opened the door to our apartment.

"Hi, babe," I called back. I never called her 'sweetheart', 'honey' or 'love'. Although I'd said her I loved her on a few occasions, I was pretty much sure I didn't love her. I cared. But that's it. To tell her 'hey, love' just didn't feel right.

"Where have you been so long?" she came to the hallway, taking into a hug and giving me a kiss.

"I was at the hospital, dad had his shift," I sighed. I shrugged off the coat and lifted her from the ground. She instantly wrapped her legs around me and as I begun to kiss her mouth she suddenly stopped frozen. I looked at her puzzled.

"What?"

"I started my period today," she was looking at me with a but-you-should-know look. I didn't like when she did this.

"Sorry Tanya, I'm really tired," I lied. "I'm gonna go sleep."

"Oh, I'll go with you," she smiled, "my day was full of shit too."

I went into the bathroom, taking my time with shower. It felt so good, warm water against my skin, splashing down every bad thought. When I stepped out from the shower, I grabbed a towel to dry myself and then I held it against my waist. I starred at myself in the big mirror on a wall.

My face didn't seem happy; in fact my green eyes looked sad. It wasn't such a surprise to me. I felt weird ever since I left the hospital tonight.

I put on my boxer briefs and headed for bed. I rolled on my side, unsuccessfully trying to shut off my mind. After about five minutes I felt a small hand against my lower stomach. I caught her hand and turned myself, so I was lying flat on my back. She immediately took the opportunity and crawled on top of me, lying her head on my chest. I put my hand against her loosely, praying to change this stupid position.

Even though we'd been together for two years, I didn't felt completely relaxed around her. She wasn't a bad person, not at all as far as I know. But sometimes I was sure something in our relationship was off.

I knew she thought I was going to propose to her, but I did not have the smallest intention in doing so. I was uncomfortable around her these days, because she told me she loved me all the time and although I said it to her too, I knew was lying.

I looked down at her now sleeping form, my nose burying in her hair in the process. Her hair smelled like vanilla, little too sweet, too much like honey. I hated honey because it was too sweet and my girlfriend's hair smelled like that and I'd been living with her for two years.

_Oh God…_

I'd never doubted _us _as much as I did today.

Slowly, trying not to wake her, I took her waist and put her on her side of the bed. I checked if she was still unconscious, and quickly took my jeans and a white tee from the closet, heading to the living room. I put on the clothes as I went, grabbing my car keys from the top counter.

I didn't notice where I was going, until I saw the bright lights of the hospital. I scowled at myself.

_Why the hell am I here?_

My mind was elsewhere, while I went for the elevators automatically hitting the button for the third floor. I stepped out when the elevator stopped, suddenly not knowing where to go.

When I hadn't thought about it till now, I shouldn't think about it now.

So I closed my eyes, taking in as much oxygen as my lungs would allow and with closed eyes took a few steps forward.

I opened my eyes and I knew immediately where I was going.

_Bella …_

I continued to take calming breaths as I reached the door of her room. The door was slightly opened, which confused me. I'd ask her later.

I pushed the door open some more, peeking in. Bella was curled up in a sitting position, her legs up as she hugged them to her with her arms. She was shaking and crying, that much was obvious. I contemplated for a second if it would scare her more to be in my presence, now. But I just couldn't let her like this. My heart hurt at the sight.

I hurried toward her, because I was sure I'd startled her even more, just standing there and slowly coming over to her. She shrieked when she saw me, trying to get away from me on her small bed. She would have ended up falling on the floor if I hadn't seen it coming and caught her before it could happen.

She was shaking so much that I almost didn't catch her whispers.

"P-p –lease, don't …" she stuttered, "don't, just let me go, please." Her voice was trembling with tears that were soaking her cheeks.

"Bella, it's okay, I won't hurt you," I assured her.

"Edward?" she asked in a small voice. "Oh my god, Edward!" she threw her arms around my neck. "Thank god," she murmured into my shoulder.

"Bella? What's going on? Who did you think I was?"

She loosened her grip on me looking me in the eyes. Her eyes were red from all that crying but her brown irises were so warm and sincere. She looked like a lost kid in a big city. Her breaths were shallow and I wondered if she had another panic attack.

I cuddled her against my chest, as I kicked my shoes off and sit down on the bed with her, my back leaning against the cool wall. She was on my lap now, her legs hanging over the edge of the bed.

"So?" I pressed. I wanted to know the answer.

She was looking at me as if I were the eighth wonder of the world, and I mused yet again _why_. Her eyes were still locked on mine when she spoke.

"I thought you were him," she said a little too quickly, obviously without thinking. She covered her mouth with her hand then, her eyes wide with fear and panic.

Him? Now I really did regret not knowing about what had happened to her.

"Bella, I'm not sure I understand. In fact I'm sure I don't. What happened to you?" Her eyes sink down as a reaction to my words.

"I don't think I'm able to talk about it," she whispered. It wasn't difficult to hear the pain in her voice.

"You have to give me some hint at least," I urged, "otherwise I won't be able to help you."

She looked back at me, her eyes gave nothing away. It could have been five minutes when she finally took a deep breath and spoke quickly with her eyes closed.

"I'm here because my parents were killed and I was raped," she literally exhaled the words.

I froze at the spot. I knew about her case.

Bella was the girl Tanya had told me about.

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_I sat on the couch watching TV when I heard Tanya threw her keys on the top counter. _

_"Hi love," she greeted me with a sigh. She bent over the couch and gave me a quick peck on the cheek._

_"Hey T, how was work?" I asked, though not really caring. _

_"Tiring," she walked over the couch, and sat on my lap, effectively blocking my view."They had an emergency today so I had heaps of work."_

_"Really? What happened?" I tried to sound concerned._

_"I don't know any details, but there was a family – father and mother found lying in a pool of blood, and they're eighteen years old daughter was raped, but otherwise okay. The only problem is, that we are not able to contact any relatives, as she probably doesn't have any." She said groggily. _

_I stared at her, not knowing what to say, but she didn't looked disturbed. _

_That you get when you have your girlfriend working at a police station. I thought sarcastically._

_

* * *

_

Back to that day, I wanted to slap myself. I was a fucking douch.

Now, when I looked at the broken girl in my arms I was perplexed. I didn't know what to do. I was so confused, that I wouldn't have been able to put two and two together.

She started to sob after a while ducking her head to my chest. And I just sat there like the biggest fucking idiot, not knowing what to do, just hugging her to me. And then it fucking occurred to me, what had really happened to her.

Her parents were killed.

She was raped.

She had nothing.

She was all alone.

She was fucking all alone, and they made her go to a new apartment, just to get rid of her. My anger started to build up, but then I looked back down at her. She was clutching my tee shirt in her hands for dear life, and it broke my heart.

"Bella, it's okay. You're safe now," I promised.

"I know I am safe. _Now_." She mumbled through her sobs. I was sure she was right. She wouldn't be save tomorrow when she's like fifty miles distant, I wouldn't be even able to get to her in time. But I had to do something. I just couldn't let her go to an apartment she'd never seen, and expect her to be just fine all by herself.

"No, it's not just now," I had to come up something, _anything. _"I'll protect you, even if you think it's impossible now."

"You won't be able to be with me all the time, even if you want to, which you don't," She started to argue, but that was not my aim.

"Don't worry about it now, but I swear you'll be good," _End of discussion. _I added to myself.

She just sighed, but otherwise let it flow.

She tucked her head in the crook of my neck, resting against my shoulder, and I hugged her to me tighter, as I started to hum her the lullaby my mom had used to sing to me when I was a little kid.

Her breathing eventually evened out completely, but she remained in my embrace. I didn't complain one bit.

After a few moments I slowly began to muse what the hell I was doing here and what I was thinking. I was here, with a girl I barely knew, and yet I didn't mind. And still I had my girlfriend, who I had let lying in _our_ bed so I could be here, with Bella. Why did I feel the need to be here? This was not right, even though I now felt so. I had to go back home.

I looked down at Bella's now sleeping form and reluctantly pull her off of me, so I could lay her back on the bed. I quickly covered her with a comforter, and almost ran out of there.

I got to my car in record time, not turning back once. But then just as I sat it occurred to me, that I had promised, no I had sworn her I would protect her.

My head hit the steering wheel, and I tugged on my hair in frustration.

_What the fuck got I myself into?_

I really honestly did not know what to do.

In the end, I pulled off and went back to Tanya. She was still asleep. I glanced at the alarm clock, 03:00AM. Great. I got out of my clothes, and quickly fell asleep beside the girl I was supposed to love.

I woke up in the morning to an empty bed. Considering it was Saturday, it was very weird Tanya wasn't here with me. About a few minutes later, I heard her enter the bedroom. I turned around and saw her carrying a tray full of food.

I smiled, I loved breakfast to bed.

"Morning, sleepyhead," she told me, putting the tray on my nightstand. She leaned over to give me a full kiss.

"Morning, babe," I replied.

"Shouldn't you add a little more?" She asked sweetly.

"Yeah, thank you for this," I pointed at the tray. I pull it to my lap, eyeing my favorite chocolate pancakes, fruits and a mug of coffee.

I ate everything gratefully, while Tanya sat next to me, reading an issue of Vouge. When I was done though, she crept into my lap, sitting sideways as she kissed me passionately. I hugged her to me, but something about this felt odd. She was not as petite as she was supposed to be. I skimmed my fingers against her back, but there was no sparkle. I pulled back.

"What?" She asked breathlessly.

I stared into her blue eyes, and saw the adoration she held for me. Right at that exact moment, I was sure I did not love her. She was looking at me as though I were someone to be cherished, loved and adored. The fact that I wasn't, was just a reason more to see, how much differently we felt.

Her eyes beamed, when she was looking me in the eyes. Mine had to be expressionless in the strangest way.

"Edward? You're scaring me now, love," she stroked my chin tenderly. That was it. I couldn't do this anymore.

"Tanya, I'm not in mood for this right now." She gaped at me as if I were crazy. Granted, I'd never ever refused anything like this to her. But it just didn't feel right now.

"Okay," Her voice trembled when the word left her mouth.

She reluctantly got out of the bed, leaving me in the bedroom alone. The only question was why I wanted to break up with her. I knew I'd never been totally and unconditionally happy with her. I also knew the day when there just wouldn't be any other option would come eventually. What I didn't know was why I felt it now. There had to be some starting mechanism to this.

I groaned and rolled over, almost falling on the floor in process. I quickly caught myself and got out of the bed. I looked over at the nightstand, where was my phone, and quickly dialed Bella's number which I got from her card in the hospital. After a few beeps the call went straight to the voicemail. So I texted her.

_Hello Bella, how R U doing? – E_

I read the text again, wondering why I had sent it at all. I was getting on my nerves myself. If I wouldn't find out soon, what the fuck's going on I swear I'll be crazy within two days.

I took a long shower, musing who I should talk to about this. My sister came up as a first option. I had actually two sisters, but Alice was an overdo of everything, she would've come up with something totally bizarre I did not want face to.

Rosalie, on the other hand, was a calm person with a rational view of the world. I could talk to her for hours and never feel like bothering her or something. She'd always helped me.

She also didn't approve of my relationship with Tanya. She said Tanya would grow more and more attached to me and when I finally realize I don't love her, there would be a bigger tantrum about our breaking up than necessary.

But I had to do it quickly because I promised myself I'd go to check on Bella as soon as possible.

I reached for my cell, quickly dialing Rose's number. I held it to my ear, the phone beeped at least seven times, before I heard her voicemail message.

"Fuck," I groaned. I so didn't know what I was going to do now. Well not that there was an option now. I just would call her later.

_Now, I just have to get out of here. _I thought to myself

I wasn't ready to face Bella yet, so going to her was out of question. Oh well, let alone facing Tanya. I so didn't have a mood to play twenty questions now. That'd have been the death of me. I was so confused and so desperately wanted to know what the fuck was going on! There was no way I'd ever figure this out on my own. Rosalie was my only life saver this time. I had to speak to her so bad, and she was busy. It didn't happen a lot – she being busy, but when she is, there's no way of getting her away from her work.

_So… what're you going to do know, o'clever one?_

_Shut the fuck up._

_Bella…Tanya…Bella…Tanya…Bella…Tanya…Bella_

Bella.

Yeah, if I had a say in this, I'm definitely for an option 'Bella'.

I huffed in a frustrated exhalation. I was so fucked up. So now, I wanted to go to see the girl I'd only seen twice, and plus I'd chosen her over my own girlfriend. Yep, that was not okay.

I got up at the memory of Bella's face, and put on a pair of my favorite jeans and a white shirt. As the motherfucker I was, I tiptoed from the apartment and ran straight for my car. I smiled at the sight of my car. I loved it. It was an Aston Martin Vanquish, one of a very few existing. It was the only truly precious thing I was fond of.

I jumped in and headed the way straight to the hospital. I felt fucking weird. It felt totally as a déjà vu. And I didn't like it one bit, because that only showed me I remembered this all too much for my liking. But it wasn't weird like "what-the-fuck-I'm-disgusted-with-myself" kind of weird. It was more like "why-the-fuck-does-it-feel-this-good" kind of weird.

I went for the hospital cafeteria at first, just to buy her some fruits. The woman behind the court was looking at me with a smirk that only told me to run away as fast as I could. I did exactly that.

I stopped, when I reached the door of her room. I thought about knocking, but if she was sleeping she wouldn't answer me. I peeked inside and chills ran down my spine as I noticed her bed was empty.

_Where was she?_

I stormed into the dad's office, starling him enough for him to drop a pile of papers. The papers flew down on the floor all over the place and he glared at me with a furious expression.

"Are you going to explain why did you burst into my office, without knocking, and destroyed the work I did for two fucking hours, Edward?" Shit. Yeah, he was furious.

"Uhm, sorry dad," I stuttered and stepped back. He was freaking scary.

"You are sorry? Are you kidding me?" Maybe that wasn't the best way of having a morning conversation.

"Yes dad, I'm sorry. I'm not here to fucking solve shit like this, I just wanted to ask you where is Isabella," I said. He frowned at me, obviously perplexed.

"Why do you wanna know where she is?" That's a good question…unfortunately I wanted this answer too.

"I bought her something better to eat, than this gross stuff you're forcing her here," I stated kind of proudly.

"Well, we moved her from the ICU to a normal room," he said hesitantly.

"And the number?" He didn't want me to go to her, or what?

"Edward, I think you just should let her be," _what?? _"She had a pretty rough night. Wasn't sleeping much; more like screaming every two hours. She should rest."

Fuck, I knew it wouldn't go away like that. And dad didn't know I knew all about her situation, but I needed to tell him soon, if I wanted to help her any further. But not now.

"I won't interrupt her, I just give her the fruits on the nightstand with a note, okay?"

He was burning a hole through me with his look before finally nodding. "Okay, she in the room number 26."

I stormed back to the hallway, running away from the mess I'd caused. I was glad I knew the hospital so well, because I'd have gone mad searching in here.

I knocked on the door of the room 26 lightly, but no sound came from the room, so I opened it just a little. Bella was in bed, her eyes were not closed, but she looked more than exhausted, confirming she hadn't slept much. I sighed, but she didn't hear. She looked really depressed, which was not good. I walked into the room, like I fucking owned the place, and smiled at her lightly.

"Hello, Bella, I brought you something edible." I chuckled at my own joke, but she remained with her worn expression. Like she didn't notice me.

"Bella?" I leaned over her, checking her temperature, but it was normal. I touched her forehead and she jerked away suddenly."Bella? …You okay?"

"Oh, hey. I'm sorry I didn't notice you," she muttered.

"It's okay, I'm sorry I startled you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I just didn't sleep well. Had nightmares all night." A big yawn escorted her last word.

"You should sleep; it's the best for you now," I frowned.

"You think I don't know that?" she asked with raised eyebrows.

"Stop being a genius, eat some fruit and try to sleep." Commanding was not the best way and I was aware of it. This just annoyed the fuck out of me. She was supposed to rest while she just tried to stay awake.

She pretended being annoyed and asked me for a strawberry.

"Here you go," I handed her two of them.

"Thanks," she closed her eyes as she popped the strawberry into her mouth. Her eyes remained closed while she chewed and I watched, fascinated by the creature before me.

I knew she was just wearing a strong mask, and inside was broken. But I was as well sure that in her very core she was strong very much, more than me, more than anyone. Because this girl had a very little left. She had her sanity and she had _me_.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

**Hey guys, i'm really sorry this one took this long. I have tons of work i have to have done. I hope the next one's gonna take less. **

**Love, Teri **


	3. Chapter 3  New BPOV

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things **_**Twilight**_**, and no copyright infringement is intended. All songs included in this piece are the property of their original writers/owners.**

**There is no financial gain being made by this fiction.**

**Here we go with the third chapter! The entire Bella's story will be revealed in the fourth chapter! Please keep on reading and spare a minute to review! Thanks, Love you guys!**

* * *

**My Life Within Yours**

**Chapter 3**

**BPOV**

I saw him, the man who killed my family, was coming over to finish me. I was so scared.

I know I tried to kill myself, or at least almost tried. But this was something different. This made me thing about things from another point of view.

When he was crossing the last few steps that were between us, I was trembling really hard. I'd not wanted to die by his hand. I'd realized that even though I was now totally mentally shattered, I still wanted to go on living and try to drag myself up from the hole I'd fallen into.

And just as I begged him, I heard a voice of an angel. And then I saw the face of a man that was towering over my bed.

Edward.

He tried to soothe me and I cried and told him a part of my story. I knew he didn't know what to say, and I didn't blame him.

But then he said he would protect me. He promised me.

The worst thing was that I knew he wouldn't be able to do it. Not that he wouldn't want to help, but I knew I just wasn't the one and only person in his life.

It's something hadn't thought of before. But as I had to start to think rationally, I was almost sure he had to have a real relationship, which would certainly spoil this little bubble of ours.

But I'd sworn to myself I wouldn't let no one to be dragged to the hole with me. And especially Edward.

Since he was the only person that had somehow tried to have any kind of personal conversation with me, I didn't want to let go of him. But I knew that I would have to do so eventually. Because of course he was loved dearly by someone, and if I really cared for him I would let him go.

And I cared for him, as I found out later the day.

When I fell asleep again I felt I was alone almost instantly. The dark covered my mind and it drifted away into uncomfortable thoughts I did not want to have. My brain was on its own and it showed me the exact same scenes I'd witnessed only once and would hopefully never see again.

When I saw him, the murderer of my parents, coming over to me with an abhorrent smirk on his face I wanted to vomit. I woke up immediately, panting and crying yet again.

I tried to sleep a few times then, but always with the same unsuccessful result.

About three in the morning I felt someone's present. It was a very weird feeling I had at the moment. As if my skin was tingling or whatever. I'd never felt it before.

I yelped when a hand touched my forehead. I quickly turned my head, searching for a person in the room. It was Edward.

Again.

He was so kind! He brought me fruits, because he knew the food in hospitals was very barely edible. I really appreciated it.

He complained about me not sleeping, but I just couldn't tell him about the content of my nightmares quite yet. Even though I was sure he knew, or at least guessed.

I popped a single strawberry in my mouth and let the sweet taste take over my senses. I closed my eyes as I felt the warmth of someone else in the room as chewed on a delicious berry.

When I opened my eyes again he came to me and sat on the edge of the bed. I smiled at him with a light expression, genuinely pleased by his gestures. He was the kindest person I'd ever met.

His expression must've mirrored mine, because he suddenly burst out laughing.

"Yeah, this is great. Look at the situation we're in, and still we're both smiling like biggest fools. I think something's really wrong with us," he said, his laugher still echoing through the words.

"Well, we just have to somehow light up the mood, right? In my mind is enough of sadness and frustration for both of us, so I really enjoy a bit of fun." I watched as his face fell noticeably. It wasn't a good idea to let our talking lead into my mess, and I knew it. I couldn't stop it though.

My mind worked in an odd way while talking to him. I felt dazzled and distracted and… safe.

I felt safe with him, and therefore I trusted him. These two feelings just wouldn't do without each other.

He lifted his hand with now excruciated face and I hated myself at the moment. His hand touched my cheek and I felt myself tense.

Psychically trust him was one thing, but trust him physically…Trust anyone in the physical way was just impossible for me now. I was disgusted with my body myself. I felt ashamed and physical contact was something I would have to work on with time. I know he touched me when I'd cried before, but I had been probably so distracted with all the weeping, that I hadn't realized anyone touching me.

He saw when I averted my eyes from his, hiding my pain from him. He didn't stop though and laid his hand on my left cheek, stroking it gently.

"I'm sorry what happened to you Bella, but that's not what I want to talk about, even when it's the purest truth." My eyes were frozen on his green ones, unable to move away. "I want you to know that I won't ever hurt you. I know that what you've gone through is hard, and I really want to help you."

He was looking at me with his sad eyes. Sad because of me. He was so sincere with me and I was making him sad.

I frowned at my thoughts and looked down into my lap, tears creeping to the corners of my eyes. His hand was still on my face and he pulled my head back up to look at him. I saw his beautiful piercing green eyes and was utterly and happily lost in them.

"What about we forget being sad or whatever feeling is eating away on you for now?" His smile was just one sided and he looked heartbreakingly handsome.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Here," he said, reaching for another strawberry, handing it to me.

"Thank you, Edward." He knew it wasn't meant just for handing me the strawberry.

"So…When are you getting out of here?" He asked, no more touching me.

"Well, I should be released this afternoon. But I haven't been to the apartment yet, and I feel sort of weird, because I've never lived alone and now, I just must be on my own and in an apartment I've never been to." I was slowly getting hysteric."I'm not really afraid I won't be able to take care of myself, but my parent were the only people I've talked to. I don't have any other friends because I was kind of a loner in high school and now-" The sob broke through the last words and I started to cry again. My hands covered my face and I pulled my knees up to lay my hand covered face to my knees.

"Bella?" He asked softly, but this time didn't try to soothe me by taking me into his arms or do anything physically. Great, I'd probably totally scared him off. Oh how proud of myself I was!

"Bella, if you want I can go with you. I promised I would help you and I will." He said the words quietly, with a melodic voice.

"I just…I-I just," I trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence. A sob broke through and I wasn't able to hold my shit together anymore.

I had so many stuff to deal with.

For starters, I didn't know a thing about my parents' funeral. It was something that even though I knew would be beyond hard for me, just had to be done. I loved my parents dearly and I'd never forgiven myself if I didn't give them my last goodbye.

The next thing was me going on in the new life I had. I had no idea of how would I possibly handle it, or whether I would be able to handle it.

The worst thing was, that just a week before _it_ happened I had graduated from high school, but I still hadn't known where to go to college.

So now, I was undecided where to go to college, had to arrange my parents' funeral, had to move to an apartment I'd never been to, and was one big psychical mess and had no one to help me out.

Well, maybe…

No. I cannot want that from him.

So that's how my life is now. Nice, isn't it?

Hmm… No, it's really not nice at all.

While my mind was occupied with my problems, unsuccessfully trying to solve them out, my body tried to cry them out. By whole body was shaking with sobs as they rocked through me. It was so desperate, I was so desperate. I needed something what I could hold on to, and I had nothing left.

I hugged my knees more tightly to me, it almost hurt, but not enough to get me concerned. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder then and I would have known who it was even if I hadn't known about him here before.

Not giving a damn he was another person, not giving a damn about him being a male, not giving a damn about my insecurities I threw my arms around his neck, catching him off guard. He stumbled backward a bit before composing himself and hugging me to him.

"I will go with you tomorrow Bella, okay?" He said into my hair. "You won't be alone in this."

"Okay, I'd be grateful. Thank you, again." I murmured, my voice still trembling in cries.

"Anytime," he whispered. Something in his quiet voice told me he meant it.

I calmed down after a while and pulled back as my body caught up to my spontaneous actions and I just must have pulled back. He didn't comment it when I moved a little farer that necessary, instead he handed me another food. The clouds were getting a little too bright, which meant it was closer to the noon. When I ate almost everything and he finished the rest up, I realized I had to start getting ready. That I wouldn't have much more time until someone comes and tells me I'm free to go.

But just as I started to form the sentence in my head to tell him about it, I heard noises outside the room and a mere seconds afterward a knock on the door.

I looked at Edward, who just stared back at me with a poker face and I took a deep breath and turned my stare back at the door and faced my fate.

"Come in," I called in resignation.

Confusion swept over me, as I watched a young women wander in room. She had a fitting red dress, blonde hair and was certainly not a doctor. She looked more like a model, as she had those high heeled black shoes. She looked very beautiful and sexy.

The woman looked at me, but than her eyes fell on Edward and she smiled at him as if he was her very good friend.

At the same moment I heard Edward gasp, and my confusion just grew further, as he moved slightly away from the bed.

"Hey honey! What're you doing here?" The woman asked Edward. The pieces of puzzle started to slowly fell into places, and I wanted to slap myself at my stupidity.

"Hi Tanya, I'm here just to visit Bella. But what're you doing here?" He asked, his tone a bit sharper to the end.

"Uhm, I was told to update Isabella on news, not that there're any, and as well she should update me on her med results." She said the words clearly, but I was sure there was some undertone I couldn't quite figure out.

She walked over to the bed and kissed Edward on the lips. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me, but it made me sickened. A sharp short pain shot through my chest, and I gulped for air. I watched my hands in my lap instead.

"Well, I let the two of you alone for a bit," Edward stated calmly looking at Tanya. My heart just hurt at the sight. "I'll come back…uhm, later." He still didn't meet my eyes, just turned around and walked out of the room.

"So, how're you holding up, Isabella?" She smiled sweetly at me. At the moment I felt as if she took me just as next work to be done, not a human who'd been through a tragedy. She was so cold.

"Uhm, I'm trying," I said not looking at her.

"And what the doctors say?"

"I'm getting out of here today, so I suppose everything's good." I really didn't want to talk to her about details.

"Okay, so about him, we've nothing major. He keeps running, probably doesn't stay at one place for long. All we know is that he was seen on a plane to New York, so there's a possibility he may be running to Europe. But we're still not sure." It was obvious in her tone, she was not telling me something, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"Okay," I exhaled.

"Great, so that's probably al," she said. "At least officially," she added and I swallowed hard.

I looked at her curiously, although I knew what she was about to talk about.

"Listen, I know Edward's beyond handsome and beautiful he's caring and _loving, _but he's mine." She said the words in a violent tone and I wanted to disappear. She was really possessive of him, but I just couldn't bring my heart to its rational senses. It hurt inside of me to hear that he loved someone else.

Not that I blame her. Everything she said about him was truth. I couldn't imagine his eyes not look beautiful, I couldn't imagine his soul not loving.

But I hated the fact she could say he was hers.

As my heart called for attention, my mind caught up and I realized something that I'd never thought would happen to me.

I was falling in love.

I was falling in love with Edward.

I was falling in love with Edward Cullen, who had a girlfriend and it was not me.

"Of course," I said, trying to hide the trembles in my voice. I wanted to cry. _Again_.

"Good," she smirked at me. "Don't even try anything, it'd not be worth wasting effort. But if you try something anyway, I'll make your life hell. I can promise you that."

I felt like a stupid little teenager. True, I still was a teenager, but I was eighteen and wasn't stupid. At least in some areas.

"Okay, don't worry. Men is the last thing I'm interested in right now. Trust me." I lied with a fake smile.

"Excellent," she claimed and got up from the chair she'd been sitting on. "I'm sure I'll see you again all too soon." With this she left the room.

All I could do was to think of Edward. He was so sweet to me and yet he had not told me he had a girlfriend.

_Because he's not interested in you like this, stupid. _

I knew I was being irrational with this, because how could possibly someone like Edward be single? Right, it was just not possible.

And he'd never showed me more affection than as a friend, I was just getting it all wrong. Or whatever…

There wasn't anything for you to get.

He's just too caring and too sweet, but that's just his nature. You're nothing special to him.

Okay, this really hurt. It was such a weird feeling, I'd honestly never felt this before. I was a kind of tightening in my chest, a sharp pain shooting through my heart every now and then. I just felt really bad.

"Bella?" I turned my head, freezing when I saw dr Cullen in the door. I knew what was coming now. It was nothing good. Not for me.

"Bella, I just wanted to tell you that now you're officially released and you can leave as soon as you're ready." He was saying it as if he wanted me to go away, as if it was a good thing.

"Okay, I'm gonna get dressed." I said, fighting the trembling of my voice.

"Great, just tell me when you're ready so I can call someone to show you the apartment and take care of you a little."

"I don't need to be taken care of." I defended myself. It was just a stubborn habit, but I knew that I needed someone more than I was able to admit to myself.

"Bella, don't worry about it. Someone will just show you the place and then you're free to tell them to let you alone." He winked at me and closed the door.

I slowly sat upright throwing my legs over the edge of the bed. I just didn't know what to do. This was something I'd never wanted to face. No one should ever face anything like this. Especially in my age. I was just freaking lucky.

I felt my eyes stinging yet again, but I refused to let the tears fall over. I got up and found my clothes in the closet. I quickly changed into a comfy pair of black jeans and a dark blue tee shirt. Since I didn't have many things here I had just a small bag, but it just felt as if I didn't have something.

I closed my eyes shut and drew in a sharp intake of breath as the first thing I didn't have showed up in my mind.

I wandered into the bathroom with a pained expression in my face. I stood in front of a mirror and gazed at my face. I looked as if I hadn't sleep for weeks. Blue color spreading under my eyes was making me look a lot older. I felt a lot older. Much older than just an eighteen year old girl, who just finished high school.

My eyes flicked to the scar I'd never noticed before and I was sure where I got it. I knew it would never heal completely. I always would have a material prove of what'd happened.

Excellent.

I splashed my face with cold water, hoping for my face to look a bit more like a human, rather than a walking death. It didn't help.

I wandered back to the room, taking my bag I sighed and with a heavy heart left the room. There she was, damned Tanya, waiting for me with an evilly sweet smile on her face.

"Since I was here, dr. Cullen told me to accompany you to the apartment. I hope you don't mind." She stepped toward me, putting one hand on my arm, right where my skin was bruised.

"No, of course it's okay. Thanks," I was sure she didn't deserve my politeness, but making enemies was the last thing I wanted now.

We walked for the elevator, and I lazily begun to wonder what Edward would think about this. He'd promised me to help me when I'd go to the new apartment and now, I was with his girlfriend, in an elevator, having her accompany me instead of him.

I wondered if he even realized he'd promised it. I supposed he didn't, because forgetting something like this was just against his beautiful character.

He just forgot.

Me and Tanya stepped out from the elevator and headed to a bright red car, from what I was able to see so far it was a Ferrari.

In that moment I realized how much I envied her all this stuff. She was a beautiful, young, successful women, obviously having enough money and having a perfect boyfriend on top of it. She had everything I would never have.

"Nice, isn't it?" She pointed at her car.

"Yes, very nice." I agreed.

She hopped into her car and looked at me with a worried expression. "Get in, just don't get any dirt on my baby, got it?"

"Sure." Oh, this was the source of her worry.

We pulled off and headed into the center of Seattle. My head was in thoughts and I barely caught the names of streets. Then she parked in a lot in front of an enormous building, it had probably like 40 floors, maybe more.

The building didn't look exactly bad, more like otherwise. It looked kind of modern, with straight lines decorating the outside. It looked kind of fancy, but not too much.

She led me in there, straight to the elevator, and pushed the button for 44th floor. She took the keys from her purse, shoving it into the lock and unlocking the door, pushing it open.

"So, welcome to your new home." She said in a bored voice.

I walked in, I felt my hands shaking. The apartment looked very much as the style of the outside, fitting accommodation with modernly looking straight lines, all in white grey and green color. It really felt like no one lived here for a long time and it just didn't feel like home.

"Uhm, this is all I'm supposed to do, so do you need something or are we done here?" She asked, but her tone told me there was only one acceptable answer to this.

"I don't need anything, thank you Tanya."

"Great, so see you…uhm, later." She turned on her heel, disappeared into the hallway and slammed the door shut. I jumped at the sound.

I turned around, for the first time really examining the big room. The large spare before me was a living room and kitchen counters in one, but there was enough space for a big, dark wooden table in the middle of the room.

A big flat TV was hanging on the wall and a few feet before it there was a large black leather couch. The carpet was beige and very polished. The kitchen counters were marble and there was decoration all over the place mainly in green color. The place just looked cold.

The shivers ran across my spine and I urged my legs forward, going to the next hallway. Doors to three other rooms were there, two of them on left and right, one facing back the kitchen and living room.

I opened the door on my right and my eyes almost fell out of their sockets. There was a very, very big bathroom, a bath tub which looked like it was for at least four persons, the entire room in soft pinkish marble. I felt tears in my eyes. This was just not like the home I wanted to have.

I quickly backed out of the room, closing the door. I turned for the door on the opposite side. I opened it and I felt my heart jump.

A big monstrous bed was right in the middle of the bedroom. It was really big, certainly bigger than any bed I'd ever seen. It was dark and wooden and had brown covers over it. I couldn't even imagine sleeping there.

My eyes wandered across from the bed, I looked at the fireplace, which I was sure about being the only source of positive energy in here. The wall straight across from me had five large windows, beige curtains at the side of every one.

I stepped into the room, just a few steps. On my left, there was a lounger with a small table, on the right a big office table. The room had a few small pictures hanging on the walls, all of them black and white photos of scenery.

I went back to the door, pausing there, looking back at the bed. I just couldn't imagine _being_ here. A faint smile crossed my face when I remembered the words my mom told me back _home_.

_"Remember honey, one day, you will be a young strong lady, ready to face every single thing that will life put you through." _

Yeah, but I didn't think I was ready. I was extremely not ready.

I closed the door and reached for the last door knob. I turn it downward and gasped at was I had before my eyes. This was something I'd only ever seen in movies.

Around me, there were opened wardrobes, shelves and all other stuff you can put clothes and shoes on. In the middle was standing a full length mirror with a couch before it. It was really like a closet of a movie star. Except there was no clothing.

I shuddered as an odd feeling shot through me. This just didn't feel kindly at all. The entire place was too cold, too new and too empty. I just never could feel like home here.

I went back to the living room, sitting on the leather couch I retrieved my bag and pulled out my cell. There was no missed call, no message.

It saddened me because I realized I wanted something to be there. I wanted to have a missed call there. Or a text. But it was not there and yet I still craved it.

I tossed my cell on the leather couch and went to the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and was slightly surprised because it was stocked with food and everything I liked. I got a bottle of orange juice and as I turned around, I noticed three boxes behind the couch.

I kneeled next to the fist one and opened it. There were all my clothes, or at least everything I needed, but since I didn't have much clothing I guessed it was everything. The next box contained my things like the laptop I had, or school stuff, or some other less important things. I gulped when I opened the third, the smallest, box. It was full of scrapbooks with pictures of my family, friends when I was a little kid and at the bottom of the box was an album of pictures from my parents' wedding.

I just couldn't look at it. I couldn't bear the feelings it awoke in me. I was not as strong as my mother thought.

And I hated it.

Tears were cascading my cheeks in forceful streams and I couldn't stop them. I laid my head on the hard floor, because I couldn't even stand up. I wasn't strong physically and nor psychically. Loud sobs took over me.

"Bella?" I immediately recognized the voice, but I couldn't answer him. I wasn't able to. I laughed inwardly sarcastically, because this was basically the only state he'd ever seen me in.

I felt his hand on my back and was surprised, because it didn't have the feeling that nudged me to jerk back. There was something though. It felt weird, or maybe it was just because I was lying on the floor convulsing with sobs and couldn't really say what I felt outside, but I'd have sworn there was some kind of electricity or something. As if I were given a very little electric shock.

"Bella, what's going on? C'mon, come here." He lifted me a little, so that I was still sitting on the floor but my face was on his chest. "What's it?" He nodded toward the boxes.

I just hugged him tighter, a bit surprised that it actually brought me so much comfort. He hugged me tighter too, and lifted me from the floor, carrying me he walked over the couch and he sat down with me in his lap.

"Bella did they really release you today? When you're not even able to make it through one day?" He asked me skeptically.

I just breathed against his chest, his beautiful scent bringing me comfort I craved and needed.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it earlier. I had… some shit to deal with." I had no clue what he was talking about, but I didn't care. He was here.

_You're so much in love with him, do you realize that? _The inner voice started.

I knew I loved toward him, but right now it hit me just how much I was already in love with him.

He didn't take personally my emotional outbursts, he always helped me, he talked to me, he was so nice to me. I just loved him. He was showing me he cared for me, at least a little bit, and that was something nobody had ever done. Aside from my parents.

I felt something brushed against my forehead. His lips? My heart warmed. I turned my head up to see him. He was watching me with a concerned expression.

"Talk to me?" I just stared at him, not knowing what to say.

"Bella, you have to talk to me." I knew that.

"Bella, please," he was pleading now and I had to try.

I opened my mouth but no sound came out. I tried again, but it felt like there was a bubble in my mouth and just no words were coming out.

"Bella?" he was watching me now, obviously noticing something was wrong.

Very wrong.

"Bella, you can't talk?" he whispered. I tried again, but I felt my lungs quivering and I just couldn't. I saw tears on his face.

I shook my head and hung down my head in defeat.

"Oh my god." He muttered, clearly horrified.

It was just too much. I was sure I couldn't handle anymore.

"Bella, I swear to God I will help you." He whispered. I looked at him and smiled sadly. He wiped my tears away with his thumbs.

"I have to help you. There's no other way." He said fiercely. "I love you, Bella."

* * *

**Author's notes:**

**Now, there's gonna be a nice turn of everything. But my lips are sealed *winks*. **

**Find a minute for a rewiev please? I need to know what do you think. **

**Thank you all so much. ~ Teri**


	4. Chapter 4 Revealed EPOV

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things **_**Twilight**_**, and no copyright infringement is intended. All songs included in this piece are the property of their original writers/owners.**

**There is no financial gain being made by this fiction.**

**Haaaaaaaa chapter four! Please guys leave me some love and review! *smiles sweetly*. Thanks!**

**~ Teri**

**Chapter 4 - Revealed**

**EPOV**

I was speechless. Yeah, it's an irony - I was the one speechless now. I had no idea of what I should say.

What should I do.

I'd found Bella lying on the floor in her new apartment, all broken in tears. It was a horrible sight and it crushed my heart into thousands little pieces that a young girl can end up like this.

No, she won't end up like this. She won't, because I'll help her.

I thought I just cared for her, but after having a talk with my sister I was sure it was more than just caring. Just being glad she wasn't hurting or whateverthefuck.

She told me she'd never seen me so freaked out about something. Or about someone. She'd laughed at me and told me I was falling in love. At first I was stunned, because honestly, I had a relationship. But after having that talk with her, I knew she was just right. She clued me in the fact that after a few days of knowing Bella I cared for her so much more, than I'd ever did for Tanya, which was true.

I'd thought about it a lot on my way from Rosalie, but always ended up with the same conclusion. They say, "Don't immediately jump to conclusions." but this what I was sure about. I loved Bella.

I know it sounds fucking pathetic and cheesy, but it was so real that I had hart time to believe it, let alone process it properly.

And now, I had her seated in my lap, crying now only quietly on my shoulder, as we both absorbed the unhappy news.

I wasn't sure why she couldn't talk. I was still in a huge motherfucking shock to process some logical thought in my head.

The only reason could be obviously the panic. I'd witnessed her panic attack two times, but now it was something stronger. It was more and that was probably it. It was so much panic that it wasn't able to stay just in a form of panic attack, but it'd spread further and muted her. I was pretty damn sure it was just her psychics, that didn't allow her to speak now. But I'd find out soon.

When I'd lifted her from the floor before, there were boxes. Two of them were closed but one was still open, and it looked like there was a bunch of photos. It would make sense; she'd lost her family and now saw the pictures of her family, happy, living and complete. She was practically a child yet, teenager; but still she was left to live on her own. And when she happened to see those photos, she completely lost it. But I understood.

I would have lost it too. I've no doubt.

Something else had happened too but this time to me, before I forced my father to give me Bella's address and keys, and went to her.

I had broken up with Tanya.

xoxoxoxox

_I got to the apartment and didn't even bother to kick off my shoes when I threw myself on the bed. I was such a fucking dickhead. _

_Tanya was in the hospital to check on Bella and she had to open her bitchy mouth on her. The worst thing was that I wasn't able to say anything to Bella. I didn't want to tell her anything that could clue Tanya to give Bella hard time about, when I left. Though I hadn't had the slightest doubt back then, that she would give her that hard time anyway, I just had to try. Tanya was a fucking bitch who was jealous a little too much. Just this time it was justified, only she didn't know it. Yet. _

_It could have been hours, while I was just lying there, thinking, when I heard the front door open. I held my breath just in case Tanya would start screaming at me or some ridiculous shit like this, but fortunately it didn't come. _

_"Hello, sweetie." Ugh I hated when she called me that. "Uff, that was horrible. I have to say this was an ass long day."_

_"Hi Tanya, I don't think it was that bad." Some parts at least. Like the ones that don't include you, baby._

_"Well, I don't know. That girl, Isabella is just weird. She got that awesome apartment on the edge of the center of Seattle and she looked totally uncomfortable and unhappy about it!" I can imagine why. I'm not as cold as you, but you don't get the point, right?_

_"I think she's just scared and too alone." Not alone anymore._

_"Yeah, that's really sad. But you won't be there all the time so she will have to get used to be alone." She was starting to irritate me a little too fucking much._

_"I won't walk away from her," I sat up to look at her. She had her hands on her hips, looking totally pissed off. I smiled in my head. And she had no idea what was coming. Or maybe she did, it just didn't matter. Not anymore._

_"You can't tell me you actually plan to waste any time on the girl." She smiled at me with_ _the oh-you-little-stupid-boy-you-don't-think- clearly smile. _

_"All my time, Tanya.." I had to end this._

_"W-what?" _

_"I will spend my every minute with her, Tanya." She gaped at me open mouthed. _

_"Are you breaking my heart, Edward?" Her accusing tone. Perfect, just what I needed._

_"No Tanya. How can someone break a heart that doesn't exist? I'm breaking up with you."_

_She had tears in her eyes now, and I had no doubt she was going to make an enormous tantrum about this. Perfect. Another fucking awesome scene._

_"Edward, you can't break up with me. Please…please, you know I love you. You can't destroy me like this." She made her way toward me with a determined look on her face. She reached out her hand, trying to touch my cheek, but I turned away from her, so she couldn't. _

_"So this is really how you want it to be?" She asked, but her voice carried something more within, than just remorse or hurt or whatever she could felt. _

_"Yes Tanya, I want us to end. There is no us anymore." And there wasn't. I didn't love her, I didn't need her, I didn't want her. Not ever. Not anymore. Not now. _

_She bent a little, her hands touching her knees as she lowered her face in level with mine. _

_"This is not over Edward. I love you. I won't give up on you. Not because of her." She sounded firm but I could only concentrate on one thing in her sentence. 'Her'. I didn't want her to involve Bella into this. This was our shit to deal with and I wanted to make sure it was over with._

_"Tanya, you don't have a say in this. Because relationship can't work when there's not love. And here," I motioned between us two, "was never love. Not from me at least." I heard her take in a quick breath. "Not from me ever."_

_That was evidently it for her, because just as those words left my mouth her hand shot up toward my face. Much for her disappointment I noticed and caught her hand so she couldn't slap me._

_"You fucking bastard!" she shrieked. "Let go of me! I swear to fucking god you will regret breaking up with me soon enough!" With that she tugged her had so it slipped from my grip and turned on me one last time._

_"Send me my stuff over to my dad's place, I won't show up in here anytime soon. And you better do it soon!" And after this she left. I could only hope for good._

_xoxoxoxoxox_

So that was it, and I didn't know how to approach Bella with it. I only had to consider yet, that she probably wasn't interested in me this way, so why would I ever tell her this. I wasn't completely sure what spurred on the sudden need of telling her this.

_Love, dumbass. _

Oh, right. Yeah, but when did she tell me she felt something like this to me? She hadn't. That's about it. But there was just something that told me I she should know. Even if she thought of me just as a friend. Because she fucking needed a friend. Badly.

She needed someone who was willing to help her. She just wanted to stay strong for herself but she was, now, nowhere near ready for that. And if I had to give up my shit to help her, I would.

I looked at her now sleeping form in my arms. She was so sad and I didn't blame her. I couldn't believe she'd lost her voice. Even when she'd come through some panic and fear. How was she supposed to tell me now how she felt? How did she happen to be caught up in such a situation? Or most importantly, how was she supposed to tell me now what the fuck had happened _that_ night?

We would find a way together. I just had to believe.

She turned in my arms a little, her face pressing directly on my collarbone, her breathing tickling me. I sighed and pulled one arm from around her and begun stroking her beautiful face.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at me, before a very little smile crossed her lips. It was gone before I could respond with my own, but it was definitely a smile. It was something.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She opened her mouth, as if she wanted to say something, but no sound came out.

"Do you want me to bring you to bed, Bella?" she seemed to be thinking about something for a second before she opened her mouth again. Nothing. Again nothing came out from her mouth.

She made a frustrated sign with her hands, and a tear slipped her cheek. I reach out with my finger and brushed the tear away.

She looked at me, and then in her lap again. She took a huge fucking deep breath, and begun signing with her hands something. At first I was absolutely lost.

"Bella I don't know what do you want, what do you mean?" She hugged me quickly, more tightly just for a second and then pulled her arms back and snaked them around herself. I saw more tears on her face.

She took a few deep breaths and started drawing in the air with her fingers. After a minute I wanted to punch myself for being so stupid. She wanted a pen and a pad.

Of course.

"You want something to write with and a pad, right?" A tiny little smile lightened her up for a second and she nodded her head furiously.

"Where do you have those things, sweetheart?" She looked at me and several emotions crossed her face, when it hit me I called her sweetheart. Was it a big deal for her? I didn't even register saying it, it was just so natural.

Bella started to get up so I got up with her and took her arm just as a precaution to steady her. Which turned out as a good idea, because the moment she put her full weight on her legs her knees buckled and I caught her and pressed her side into mine.

"Bella, have you eaten something at all?" she was pale enough as it was. "You didn't get any sleep in the hospital and I'm sure you haven't slept since the hospital, and am I right when I say that you haven't even eaten?" I watched her with a disapproving frown.

She nodded her head but her eyes were on my chest, she didn't look me in the eyes. It occurred to me that I'd have to learn so much more now with her being mute, even if temporarily. I was good at reading people, but this was Bella. She was unique.

"Bella you're really thin, I don't need you in a hospital, you know?" I muttered quietly.

She looked up at me and I saw something in her eyes. I was afraid to define it to myself, but I was pretty damn happy of that light in her eyes.

We walked over to the boxes where I'd found her earlier and she took off the lid from one box and got a pen and some notebook.

She went back and took a seat on the couch again, so I went to sit beside her. She started scribbling on the paper and after a minute she handed it to me.

_"Thank you, Edward. I want to thank you for taking care of me. I don't know what I'd do without you._ _I'm now able to manage it on my own."_

"You're very welcome, Bella. But I'm sorry because I don't think you're ready to be here on your own." She looked at me, new tears forming in her chocolate eyes. I buried my face in my hands, tons of emotions cursing through me.

My head shot back up as I felt her hand on my thigh. I might as well add it was an amazing feeling.

_"Edward I appreciate your concern very much. You possibly can't imagine how much. But you have your own life and now when I only have limited options of communication, I'll be honest with you. I really am afraid of Tanya. I don't know her much, but you know, she threatened me. She's very possessive of you and I just don't wanna deal with her."_

Tanya. That fucking bitch.

I looked up at Bella but she wasn't looking back at me. She was staring into her lap, her fingers nervously playing with her long sleeved tee shirt.

"Bella, what Tanya says doesn't matter." Her head turned up to face me at my words. "Not anymore."

Her brow creased, worry filling her endless angelic brown eyes. A dull ache clouded my heart for an immeasurably long second. I didn't like when she wasn't showing off her beautiful pink lips shaped into an exquisite smile.

Her next word was enough to stop me from debating about her uniqueness any further in my head.

_"Why?"_

That was it. The moment I was nervous about coming was now wholly in my hands to handle. And I had just a very small idea of what I was supposed to tell her.

She was sitting right next to me, but I felt her body heat on my side and as I concentrated at it, a tingling started cursing through my own body. I wanted to touch her, but I knew she wouldn't appreciate it since I was going to tell her my girlfriend was now an ex-girlfriend. Not a topic I wanted to end up at.

"I broke up with Tanya." Shock shaped her features; her mouth was an O and her eyes were wide. But then something else appeared.

Her face changed tons of emotions before settling on something what looked like fear mixed with guilt. I didn't understand either of them though.

"Bella your expression tells me you're not exactly pleased about the fact I broke up with her. Would you tell me why? "I spoke quietly.

She grabbed another paper from the table and begun writing something what turned out to be a small article.

_"Edward this is what I didn't want to happen. Now you broke up with her and she won't let me be. I still have to be in contact with her, do you realize that? And why would you ever brake up with her! Especially now! You don't have any reason to! I don't want to be in middle of the two of you fighting. Please."_

She had a point. Of course. Bella would still have to be in touch with Tanya. But I wouldn't let Bella go to the dragon's den alone. She had me now.

"Bella believe me in this please." She was looking out of the window."Listen to me," I wanted her to look at me. "I have many reasons to break up with her. I think I could talk about those reasons for days and I still wouldn't be finished." She was staring at me now, not blinking. It was becoming intense.

"For one, the most important one, I didn't love her." She gasped a little and I had to explain.

"I was with her for two years but I never loved her. How could I be in a relationship which was one-sided? I couldn't. And so I had to end it."

She wrote a few words.

_"But why right now? You say you'd been with her for two years and you had to end it now? When she is jealous of me? Do you know what she may think?"_

I reached my hand up and stroked her pale cheek. "Maybe…" The word came out as a mysterious whisper.

"Maybe she has a right to be jealous of you," I muttered lowly.

She looked at me with a skeptic expression and motioned her hand from her head to toe, which I guessed should have meat she was asking me if I was serious. I was.

"Bella, yes. I think she definitely can be jealous of you. I think you don't see yourself very clearly." She blushed and tried to avert her eyes by turning her head but I held her chin.

I saw she pulled her hands on her stomach and suddenly I realized she hadn't eaten anything today. And it was almost six now.

"What would you say if I take you out for dinner?" I asked hopefully.

She looked at me, tears in her eyes threatening to fall over. She nodded and a single tear fell and she closed her eyes. I knew this was not right. My rational senses shouted at me to stop, but my emotions were stronger at the moment.

I leaned toward her, my all natural senses waking up, alerting. She was so beautiful. Her pale skin was absolutely flawless, her dark eyelashes were long and black and even as inappropriate as it sounds; sexy. When I neared her, all the senses took over. Her fragrance was utterly overtaking, amazing and dazzling. It wasn't any of those expansive perfumes woman usually paid for. It was natural because it was Bella.

And when I pursed my lips a little she opened her eyes. Such a short scene and I could've analyzed it into thousands of pictures, one by one, second by second, feeling by feeling all described in the tinniest details.

The air gushed from her lungs as she registered my proximity, but I didn't faltered. I crossed the small distance and kissed her tear away from her cheek.

When I pulled back it was my time to be breathless. She was so beautiful. So fucking beautiful. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes dilated. Maybe I wasn't the only one affected.

"Come," I took her hand and pulled her up.

She stood up and threw her arms around my neck. I hugged herself to me, because honestly, who was I to complain?

I suppose this was her gesture of thank you. I took it greedily.

But then I felt her lips. I was sure it was her lips. It had to be. So warm, so soft, so comforting, so hot. Nothing could ever be more powerful that her lips on me with the current between us. It was heaven.

"C'mon, let's go eat."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I let her dress up and we headed out for dinner. When I studied her face a bit, I noticed she was clenching her jaw. She was all tense and I didn't like it.

I led her to the car, holding the passenger's door open for her. She got in and smiled a little at my gesture, probably thanking me. It didn't reach her eyes though.

I shut the door and got in myself, taking a deep breath. I just had to know.

"What's it?" She glanced at me, surprised.

"Why are you all tense and… I don't know, sad? Of course you're sad but, you know what I mean." I was getting frustrated as well, but I had to remind myself that wouldn't help. Like not at all.

She looked in her lap, nervously fidgeting all over her seat. I took her hand and she squeezed mine and leaned against my whole arm, laying her head on my shoulder. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, as if to calm herself.

I watched amazed as her features softened. With closed eyes and a content look on her face she looked like a little girl. She had me awed completely. I couldn't resist any more, even though I tried, and really hard I should add. I lifted my other hand and the soft skin on her cheek felt like feathers.

She opened ever so slowly, but her head remained on my shoulder, which I was glad for. She blinked a few times and right then her face lit up with the brightest smile I'd ever seen on her face. It was like the sun lightened up in the middle of night. Like a halo levitating above an angel's head. Bella didn't need a halo and even then I saw her like an angel she was. She didn't need a halo, because she was naturally angelic on her own and she didn't need material proof to prove the fact.

I was pretty much sure I could've gasped like a hundred times and still I didn't consciously know about it. And she just acted like she didn't even notice it, letting me stunned by her beauty.

She opened her mouth as if she tried to say something, and immediately her brow furrowed and she shot back upright in her seat, wrapping her arms around herself. I blinked more times than necessary, remembering the purpose why were in the car.

"Are you okay?" Stupid question, I know. "Come on, let's go eat."

I started the engine and we drove off to the very center of the city.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

We'd been there for about half an hour, before I noticed Bella's eyes closing. We ate slowly, not bothering to hurry up. She was acting very strangely throughout the evening, but it could have been just because we couldn't really communicate. I'd forgot to take the notebook when we'd left her apartment earlier, and now we were sitting in the awkward silence, stealing each one's glances and occasional smiles. I didn't really know what to say, so I just asked her some questions where she could just nod or shake her head.

"Do you know what are you going to do now, when you're home?" I tried to avoid this question, and very much so, but I knew it was impossible. I needed at least a hint, even if it meant it'd be nudging me the entire way back to hers and then till she writes it all down for me.

She shook her head, closing her eyes she just shrugged.

She seemed on the verge of tears now, so I paid and smiled at her shaking my head when she started to pull out her money. The last thing I would think about, honestly. But it at least told me something about her character. Generous, giving.

Much to top the list I already had.

Bella fell asleep on our way back and when I pulled at the building, I just didn't have the heart to wake her.

I was watching her yet again, well more like ogling her, especially since she was asleep. But I couldn't bring myself to feel guilty.

I carried her up to her apartment, glad I'd seen her shoving the keys to her pocket before. I laid her on the couch, took off her shoes and threw them on the floor. I watched as she hugged herself in her sleep, and it hit me she was probably cold.

I didn't know where some quilt was, but I didn't want to search in her things for one. Still I wandered around a bit, found out where her bedroom was and wanted to carry her there. But right then I heard her from the living room, I heard her sniffle and so I hurried back to see what was going on.

She was hugging her legs to her body tightly, her facial expression a mix of agony and fear. On her petite form the look was absolutely heartbreaking. In the following second, I was on my knees beside her, taking her face in my hands.

"Bella…" I whispered. I don't know why I whispered when I was trying to wake her up, but you always do, right? You always whisper to a sleeping person, even if you want to wake them.

"Bella, wake up." I shook her shoulder gently. I said her name to more times, more loudly and her eyes finally snapped open.

Her look immediately changed from horrified to confused, probably taking in that what'd happed inside her head, was really just a dream. Or a nightmare for the matter.

"Bella, you just had a nightmare, it's okay. You're alright, don't worry okay?"

She regarded me intently, and nodded slowly. Her face was telling me she still hadn't taken in everything, and needed some time. But then she surprised me when she slid from the couch on the floor in front of me and hugged me close to her.

I knew it wasn't exactly ethical or moral or just right to let myself enjoy something like this, but in the end, she was a woman and I was a man. Better, she was a woman of my dreams and I loved her.

So I just couldn't overlook the fact that her perfect breasts were pressed tightly to my chest and her body heat heating up my own. It was simply a unique moment.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her to me, not letting her go. I knew she was tired so I gripped her back and shoved one arm under her knees and stood up with her in my arms.

I heard a surprised intake of breath from her and looked at her, just to see her smiling a little.

It was something so unusual, to see her smile. I had it memorized, how her features softened, how her little mouth shaped into a perfect sign of her happiness. It was an exquisite sight.

I didn't know what I did to earn her smile, but I beamed with her anyway. It was impossible not to.

I carried her to her bedroom and laid her on the bed. She tapped on my shoulder and when I turned at her she signed at me something like writing in the air but I understood and got the pad and pen for her.

She scribbled quickly.

_"Thank you, Edward. For everything, honestly. I don't know what I'd do without you. I won't bother you any more, I know you still have your life, even if you've broken up with Tanya."_

I was speechless for a second, perplexed what to tell her. I didn't want her to thing I was here and didn't want that. I had to have her knowing I was doing it because I wanted to, because I cared for her.

"Bella, this doesn't bother me at all. Trust me. I'm doing it because I want to." More than you can imagine.

She sighed and pointed at the words "Thank you" from her note.

"You're welcome, but you don't have to thank me, not yet, because I'm not going anywhere. I want to help you, and I know at least now, that you need help."

I couldn't just stand there and watch her from the distance, so I sat on the edge of her bed. I watched her and waited, while she wrote something for me.

_"Edward, you will get so annoyed with me! I bet you'll be running away from me within a week. And I'm saying this with a smile because I won't stop you, because I simply understand. But you don't have to go through this, so you better shouldn't even start. I'm sorry, but I'm not worth it."_

I wanted to kick something or rip something apart. But I controlled myself, for her. It was a good thing I couldn't interrupt her. She wouldn't get the chance to say one full sentence then.

"Please, would you listen to me now?" I wanted her answer so I waited till she nodded at me.

"I am not doing this because I feel like I have to or whatever. I do it because I want to help you." I held the words because _I love you_ on the tip of my tongue.

"I don't care about what anyone thinks or what they say. I just want to be with you." Okay, that wasn't exactly what I planned to say, but I knew _the_ words would be too much to bear for her, at least now.

"And in the end, you are so worth it, Bella. I don't know why you don't see it, or what has whoever told you, but you evidently don't see yourself clearly." I smiled at her crookedly with those words, her little smile warming my heart in response.

She seemed to think about what I'd said, her brow furrowing a few times, until she finally picked up the notebook but she didn't write anything, instead she just pointed her delicate finger on one word. _Tanya_.

I groaned aloud, because I just didn't know how she could possibly be considering that Tanya would anyhow ruin our little bubble. Tanya didn't have that much power. And more, I wouldn't help her.

"Bella, that's the last thing that matters. Trust me." She mouthed 'I do' back at me and I a huge motherfucking smile spread across my face. Smugness included.

"I'm truly happy you do. But I can see you still have doubts, right?" Her face showed me just worry. For the first time it caught my eye how she worried her lip. Her plump lips were coloring darker red, as her blood was running through them faster.

I was fascinated by it, but it pained me because I knew it must've been hurting her. I brought my hand up to her lips and freed them from her teeth. Her eyes snapped up to my face and a beautiful I blush spread across her cheeks. A shy smile was playing on her lips now, but I was a little confused.

Was she embarrassed by the proximity? Did she want be to back off? Did she want me to lean even further toward her? Did she want me that close?

She raised her hand and begun stroking my cheek, all while smiling at me as if I were some holy sign. I was like DUH.

I watched as a bunch of emotions changed on her face, some of her chilling me some of them rather warming. She finally settled on something that looked like anticipation, happiness and innocence, and I didn't know why but it made me feel like fucking flying.

She sighed and slowly lowered herself completely on the mattress, her hand leaving my face. I don't know why, so don't ask me, but I went with her and leaned over her, supporting myself with my elbows on her either side.

She didn't seem to mind it, even though she must've known what was coming. I certainly didn't want to push her too far. I knew she wasn't ready and needed time. But I needed her to know that I wasn't going anywhere and that I did everything just for her because I wanted, not just because I happened to be around when she needed someone.

I caressed her cheeks as we stared into each other's eyes. Her eyes were something I could never truly and fully describe. Well, like the rest of her.

They had the warmest shade of the color brown I'd ever lay eyes on. I swear I could see right through her, straight to her angelic soul. But still it felt like she held so many mysterious secrets that this picture just didn't show, even though you felt like you'd known her for years.

She was so beautiful. So fucking beautiful. Her skin was absolutely flawless, eyes big and brown and sincere, and her lips… Oh, her lips.

I saw as she took in a shuddered breath and her eyes welled with tears. She was still smiling though. But still I wanted to be sure.

"Are you okay? Am I hurting you?" She shook her head no, but I was still confused if she was referring that she wasn't okay or that I wasn't hurting her. She saw my frowning expression and turned on the bed a little and stretched her hand to reach for the notebook she'd lay beside her before.

_"I'm okay. You're not hurting me. I'm crying because even though I've been going through so much unhappiness and grief, I'm still able to feel happiness and…"_

I watched as she was writing her thoughts down, and hesitated on her last words. I knew what she was hesitating about. I hesitated too. But I knew she needed to feel it was reciprocated. That she actually had her safe harbor. She had me, and we felt the same obviously. Maybe on different levels but we could deal with that later.

Now we just needed assurance.

"And love?" I asked her quietly while holding her hand with a pen and hovering above her.

She nodded her head furiously, tears streaming down her face. I wiped them away and the new ones immediately took their place.

There was so much left to be said yet, but I hoped we'd have enough time for that later. Now it simply didn't matter. Everything that mattered now was securely in my arms.

I watched as her breathing changed once again, but this time she seemed just like gulping for air. I swear I was the fucking same.

I couldn't be near her like this anymore, I had to do something. And so I did what I wanted to do the most.

I closed those few inches between us, took her head firmly into my hands and pressed my lips to hers.

It was heavenly. It was the best fucking thing I'd ever done, experienced and lived thru. The natural sparkle between our bodies just seemed to gain more strength and it put more energy and more wanting into every bit of my being.

I pressed her into her pillow as our lips coiled together. Her taste was incredible. It was a mix of strawberry and something that was just Bella. So appealing. It filled my senses completely.

I didn't open my mouth and neither did she, because we both knew that would be too much. Or maybe it was just my point of view. Hell, I didn't even know if she wanted this.

I pulled from her a little, suddenly worried. But she didn't fail me, as if she ever could; and showed me the most exquisite smile of hers.

I beamed back at her and kissed her one more time, just softly, before laying my forehead against hers.

"I just needed to know if you want this…too." I whispered. I felt her nod a little.

"Good," was all I said.

There was so much we had before us now.

Much more than I dared to acknowledge.

But one this was set for sure. We would be facing it together.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

**Okay, please everyone who read this, do a rewiev for me! I need to know what u do and don't like! THANK YOU!**

**I've shitloads of stuff ahead now, so i don't know how much time i'll have left for writing, but i'll try to update next week. :)**

**Love, Take Care ~ Teri**


	5. Chapter 5 Grateful BPOV

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things**_**Twilight**_**, and no copyright infringement is intended. All songs included in this piece are the property of their original writers/owners.**

**There is no financial gain being made by this fiction.**

Author's notes're below the chap. I don't like having this split.

Chapter 5 – Grateful

BPOV

I felt warm, I felt cared for, I felt safe. I was in his arms and he made me feel that way. He made me feel like home and he made me feel lots of better. The moment his lips touched mine… I couldn't describe it properly. I felt like flying, like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. Like I had nothing to worry about, because I had someone who would help me through.

And he was such a gentleman. I couldn't process the overwhelming feeling of happiness as he'd asked me if I wanted this too. Most men would just take the advantage. Most men would just do the first think that'd occur to them when they see a vulnerable woman in a bed all by herself. But Edward was obviously not most men. He was different.

I fell asleep with the taste of him on my lips and his scent flowing through my senses. I felt him near me and I felt safe. But then it seemed like I was falling into snow. Chills run down my spine and I saw images I didn't want to see right behind my eyelids. I saw _him_ going over to me, with that wicked smile that made me want to vomit.

Even in my unconsciousness I could recognize that I was hyperventilating, but it just seemed so real that I was shaking with fear. I saw him nearing me and I started screaming for my life.

I jerked upward on the bed, my hands covered in cold sweat. I felt like crying the very moment I noticed I was alone in my bed. Edward had left.

He was gone.

The sobs and panic came over me in so forceful way that I had to support with my hands to stay upward. I felt my heart pounding in my chest wildly and I tried hard to remember how they had thought me to handle panic attacks. I knew I was having one.

But suddenly the realization hit me, as I remembered I had screamed. I didn't know it for sure, but I knew that I must've screamed aloud in reality, not just in my nightmare. So I had voice now?

I tried to open my mouth and form words, but I felt my chest grew tighter with every attempt. So what was that when I had screamed aloud but couldn't form any coherent words now?

I felt myself shaking with anger and unfairness of the situation, but I just knew I couldn't help it. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I was having something in my throat that was keeping the air form coming in. I fell onto bed, no longer able to hold myself up and curled up to the fetal position. I hadn't even the strength to hug my knees.

"Bella?" I heard angel's voice. Was I dreaming again? Had I fallen into unconsciousness?

"Bella, what's going on? You are shaking." I wasn't dreaming now? I still heard him.

I felt two strong hands encircled my trembling form. I knew immediately I was going to calm down rather quickly, as I felt him near me. It seemed like only he could ever handle my weird emotional states. But true, he did not know me that well. Not yet.

"Bella, please I … here," he handed me the pad. "Please tell me what's going on so I can help you."

I didn't know what I should tell him. Should I tell him that I felt betrayed that he had left me here alone right after kissing me like he had? Should I tell him about my never ending nightmare, that I knew wouldn't go away just by some miracle? I honestly didn't know what to say.

"Bella…" he sighed, his hands reaching for my chin, making me look up at him. He seemed to search some answers in my expression, but I felt like I couldn't even form an expression on my face, that could tell him something. My feelings were all mixed up.

After a while, he frowned as if something occurred to him.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I think you are wondering why I left before right?" He smiled sadly at me.

I bit my lip and nodded, because I was really curious as to why he'd left.

"Bella, we know each other very little. I know you might feel like it's longer, but it's just a few days." He stated as the realization sunk in.

"I don't want you to think I'm taking an advantage of you, because that is the last thing on my mind." He was watching me intently as if he tried to get me understand his point.

"I want to get to know you better, Bella, yes, that is true. But I still know you have a lot to deal with right now, and I may be not helping the issue with this." He pointed between the two of us.

"But… " he started, suddenly appearing unsure of himself. "I also know that I want to help you through and I will be by your side when you need me."

"If you want me to," he added.

I was watching him, dumbfounded. I felt like he was practically sort of declaring himself and I had not one idea what to do.

Or maybe that's just what I wanted?

He said me that he would help me, and I believed him. I saw it in his beautiful green eyes, when he looked at me that I couldn't be afraid of trusting him. And as much as I hated to admit this, I desperately needed someone who'd keep me sane. I had no other choice.

But I was sure to make it up to him somehow. I felt like I owed him something, but I had nothing to give.

I reached up to his face, as he closed his eyes and I let my hand caress his face. His tense features smoothened out, and he looked so peaceful in my hands. So handsome and beautiful.

Before I could have any hold of my actions I was on his lap kissing him. His whole body tensed up momentarily, before one of his hands grabbed my face and the other one snaked securely around my waist. It was such an amazing feeling.

He pulled back after just a second, and looked at me with confused eyes.

"Bella, I didn't stay in your bed because I didn't think it would be appropriate."

I had to smile at this a little. What had I said before? Gentleman? Sounds about right to me.

I hugged him close to me, feeling as my inner pain erased. He enveloped me in his strong arms, burying his head in the crook of my neck.

I felt all the trust I could give to a person, forming in my soul and slowly transferring it onto him. I trusted him completely and didn't even let myself falter when I realized how easily he could shatter me into pieces. I knew he wouldn't do it. I saw it in his loving eyes.

Did I say loving? Or I guess, why not, right? He looked like he could love. But could he love me?

"Sweetheart, I've arranged a dinner for the two of us if you want to go, it would be an honor for me." He slowly released me after what felt like forever.

"I think I'd be good for you if you forget about everything for a little while, to give some peace to your exhausted mind," he smiled at me sweetly. I just couldn't say no even if I wanted to. Which was surprisingly not the case.

I nodded my head and watched as his face immediately lit up and his perfect lips shaped into a crooked grin. I felt my heart thudding in my chest as I couldn't see anything else but him. He was so perfect. His handsome features just enforced by his piercing green eyes plus his bronze hair… he was my personal angel.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered before I could even think about anything.

He took in a sharp breath and I felt his eyes on me intensified. I was frozen in shock myself, trying to figure out how that happened.

"How, " I heard him ask, before I heard someone's voice from the living room.

We both turned toward the door, but no one came in. I felt the tightening in my chest returned, as I wanted to tell Edward to run away with me. But when I opened my mouth to form the words I started trembling even more and I knew I was back where I'd been before.

Edward frowned at my attempt, obviously contemplating what to do and what was even going on. But then I shuddered when I heard the voice of the person.

"Isabella? Are you here?" My hands automatically gripped Edward's shirt, I felt like falling apart.

"Oh my fucking god, this is so annoying. Why the hell do I have to do the dirty work?" I heard her high pitched voice echo through the apartment.

I felt Edward's hold on me becoming tighter, too tight even and I tugged on his hands to get them loosen up. His grip finally loosened but he kept me in his arm and on his lap. I tried to manoeuvre out of his embrace, but he wouldn't let me.

The door of my bedroom suddenly flew open and right there appeared very angry looking Tanya, with Edward's jacket in her hand.

"What the fuck are you doing _here_, Edward?" She said venomously, not even looking at me.

"I think I could ask the very same thing, Tanya." He said calmly.

"What do you mean? I've to work with her, Edward! She's ruined my life and I have to work _for_ her!" she shrieked, her voice trembling with fear and my body responded with trembles as well.

"Tanya, stop making a scene right this instant. You're making Bella scared." He said, hugging me closer.

"You have to be fucking kidding me Edward," her knees seemed to buckle as she lowered to the ground. I could only watch as she started producing loud sobs, desperately trying to get theatrical. She was so freaking obvious that even I recognized the mask.

I didn't know what to do, because she came for a reason and I had to get it out of her somehow, but I knew she just wouldn't tell me happily now. Edward made an exasperate sound and kissed my temple, catching me off guard.

He walked to her, his fists clenched, ager rolling off of him in waves.

"Tanya, get the fuck out of here and do it now." If I'd ever heard someone tell me this the way he did, I'd probably fell apart from fear.

"Edward, I can't believe this. Why'd you ever throw away the happy life with me to be with this poor excuse of a woman? Do you not remember how we looked at each other while making love?" She asked him with pleading and incredulous tone.

I officially wanted to disappear. I didn't want to hear this. It made me sick.

"What the fuck do you think, Tanya?" Edward shouted. "Didn't I tell you I've never loved you?"

"How can you say that?" she shouted weakly back at him. "We've been together for two years and we've always made love." I wanted to run from the room, but Tanya was blocking the door. "The way you look at me when you slide into me, the way you caress my body with yours." I was definitely going to throw up.

Edward laughed and she immediately glared at him. "Tanya, we never made love, because I do not love you and neither ever loved you. So stop your pleading and fuck off. I'd be glad not to see you ever again."

She jumped up like a startled animal and roared at him with anger."You are going to hate yourself for ever breaking up with me. I'll make you beg me to take you back." She smirked evilly. I was officially scared of Tanya.

"Yeah, right. Now fuck off, I've had just enough of you." He said dismissively and took her arm roughly and led her away.

I sat on the bed, frozen in shock from what I'd seen, unable to make my brain work. I heard the main door slammed close, and I jumped up startled, almost falling off the bed in the process.

Why had they had to talk about this in front of me? I had enough for the day.

Of everything.

Edwards rushed back to me, letting the bedroom door wide open.

"Bella, I'm sorry, " he began, reaching for me. I couldn't bear to let him touch me. Not now, that I'd heard something like _that_ about him. I scooted away from him.

"I really am sorry, Bella. I never knew thought she'd do something like this." He didn't look me in the eyes when he spoke. It had me worried.

I knew I was acting stupid, but I couldn't help it. He was the only man who'd touched me since the accident and I did not wanted to know such things about him.

I looked up at him again, and this time I saw him staring at me with his sad and innocent eyes. At least it appeared to me as innocent eyes. I saw that he truly was sorry for what'd happened, even when he had no power over it.

I saw it in his eyes, because in fact, he had yet to give me a reason not to trust him.

I slowly crawled over to him, my eyes never leaving his. I trusted him and at this moment I felt the love I held for him within my whole body.

My hands reached up at the same time as his, mine going slowly but confidently to touch his hair, while his hands ended up holding my face delicately. I felt his fingers on my face tracing light trails across my features, as if he wanted to memorize me not only by sight. I closed my eyes, unable to bear the intensity of his stare any longer.

"You're very beautiful," I heard his voice rather just as a breathy whisper and opened my eyes.

"Bella, I would like to bring you to my real home," he smiled at me still stroking my cheekbones.

"I want you to meet my family, because they're among the best people I've ever known. I think you need to be somewhere where you'd feel secure and safe." His features were serious now and he patiently studied my face whilst still cradling it.

I knew he was right, I needed some constant and I knew it was inevitable if I wanted to heal. I hugged him to me not able to hold the emotions within me any longer. I needed him to know how I felt, because I felt the strength he was giving me just by his mere presence.

I kissed his neck, placing soft and little kisses along his collarbone and chin, hoping he'd understand. His arms pulled me so close to his body, that I actually felt his heart beating. I felt even mine, beating so much and so powerfully that I contemplated if I shouldn't ask him whether it's normal.

"You know what, I'm going to call my sister. I'm pretty much sure she'll cheer you up enough." He accounted happily.

As I was looking at him, smiling that perfect crooked grin I couldn't help myself but smile as well.

"See! That's the spirit!" He grabbed my body quite roughly and put me back up on my feet, jumping up himself.

He shoved his hand into his front pocket, fishing for his phone. He pushed on some buttons and held the cell to his ear while looking me deep in the eyes. I watched him somewhat amused, and for the first time since feeling more than just simply happy.

"Hey Alice! Are you up to a little fun now?" his smile only grew wider.

"Oh my god! Don't even tell me that, I don't wanna hear about it! Not. At. All!" he covered his face with his palm, laughing at something what Alice was saying.

"Awesome, just come over and grab something to eat and all. You're going to meet one nice woman I know, so you better behave." He winked at me and I blushed and looked at our feet.

He described how to get to my apartment and hung up on her, laughing hysterically.

"I swear she's crazy." He said more to him than to me.

He looked so happy, laughing and everything with his sister. So carefree. It made me feel like I was seeing something I'd always wanted to have. I'd never had any true friends, because everyone I'd ever known just bailed on me in the end, hurting me and leaving me alone while still laughing in my face.

But with him… I felt the emotion I'd defined as love and I felt it raging through my whole body. This mixed up with the happiness of the moment, I was just so sure he'd never hurt me, he'd help me and that he'd actually get me somewhere or help me to get somewhere where I'd be blissfully sated and happy. Period.

"I love you," I laughed and said the words I'd never thought I'd say, launching myself at him.

He caught me and wrapped his arms around my torso but his laughter died and he tensed up.

My brain caught up with my actions and I realized what I just said. I froze in his arms but it was too late and he pulled back and stared at me expressionlessly.

I wasn't able to hold the connection though and averted my eyes, wondering whether I should run away and hide childishly, or face the reality like a grown woman.

I hated he didn't show any emotion, any hint for me to figure out what his reaction truly was. With the confession I just made, I couldn't bear his poker face. My eyes started to sting with tears as I ducked my head back to the crook of his neck.

I didn't really expect him to say anything. God, he must have been shocked from hearing me talk and I wanted a response.

_Admit it. You wanted __**the**__ response. _

Did I really?

I suppose I did. I wanted to hear the words back, because … because… I couldn't find the reason but I was sure I wanted it.

But he's not saying the words back. To me.

Oh my god! I totally forgot about Tanya! Does he love her? He's broken up with her. He shouldn't love her. Or I guess I don't understand it enough…

I shot upward, surprising even myself, because in this state of such an embarrassment I was able to make it without falling and thus humiliating myself even further.

"Bella, wait!" I heard Edward shouting after me.

He ran to me and caught my arm, because he was just faster than me. I didn't even turn to face him, I just tugged my hand hoping he'd let me go.

"Please, let me…" Despite my trembling voice I tugged again, but he wouldn't falter.

"No Bella, I need to explain something to you." Calm and composed Edward. Awesome. Now I didn't look like the biggest fool at all.

"I swear I'm going to explain this in a second," What was more important now?

"I want to talk about your voice first." I swallowed audibly at his request. "If you want to, that's it."

"Okay," I whispered.

"Come here," he snaked his arm around my waist to pull me to him and led me back to the bed.

He seated me sideways on his lap, his body heat seeping into my own body.

"I think I quite have it figured out." He stated rather proudly. "I think that you only seem to have this problem when you're feeling insecure, like when you're afraid and scared. That it only appears whenever you're in some tense situation or just when your emotions are all upside down. From what I know about what had happened to your family," I blinked back some tears,"it would explain the first time you couldn't speak with me. Was that the first time, right?"

"Yeah," I muttered.

"But now, you seem.. or, uhm.. you seemed relaxed."

He was right.

"Ok, so about what you said, uhm, I-" I cut him off in mid sentence.

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry. I-" He put his index finger on my lips, silencing me.

" I don't think you can actually mean it seriously,"

What?

Was he doubting my feelings for him? Was he underestimating them?

Right when I was about to say something, the doorbell rang. I grabbed Edward's hands to make him loosen his grip. He let me go and followed me to the main door.

I opened the door wide, not even caring who was there. I mentally slapped myself, but I was hundred percent sure I wouldn't have done it if Edward wasn't here.

There she was, a girl about my height but she looked a lot tinnier. Her hair was black and spiky and she was beaming from ear to ear, bouncing with energy that was radiating from her.

"Hi, sister," Edward said too formally, but his tone was laced with humor.

"Hay brother dear, and who's this beautiful young lady?" She giggled at her own words and I had to smile. She was like a kid on the Christmas morning.

"Alice, this is Bella. Bella this is my sister Alice," he gestured towards each one of us.

I extended my hand out for her to shake, but she hugged in an unexpected gesture. It felt nice, she seemed friendly. It seemed right.

She asked me about my live on high school and about before the high school, carefully avoiding right _after_ the high school. She didn't ask me about anything that was too important, more like the opposite. She asked me about my favorite movie, about my favorite book or about the color I preferred. We were talking about all shallow things and I didn't mind it. Not that I knew all the brands of clothes and all the famous designers, but I was glad to listen.

Edward was just sitting by our side, but I kept my eyes from his because I didn't want to ruin the day. When I say that Alice was very talkative it would have been an understatement of the century. She was funny and so very friendly. We ordered pizza when was about three in the afternoon, while we kept talking and laughing mostly at Alice's notes.

There was no physical contact between me and Edward and I guess I had only myself to thank. I think I sensed some tension and I did not like it. At one point I thought I'd kill Alice, when she asked me about relationships.

"So Bella, don't you have a boyfriend or something?" She asked, slumping down on the seat beside me.

"Uhm, I.. well I've never really had one." I somewhat stuttered embarrassed and looked into my lap.

"What?" she seemed shocked. "Are you kidding me? Look at yourself! You're so beautiful, I can't believe you've never had a boyfriend."

"That's just how it is, I don't know why."I was blushing furiously and desperately hoped she'd drop it.

"Don't worry. We'll go out shopping together and then hit my favorite club and you'll got hooked." A smug smile played on her lips now.

"Alice, I don't think she'd be thrilled about this." Edward was quiet throughout this exchange, and I really, really didn't want to look at him because he was the only man I'd ever thought of as something else than just friend. But now I was glad he saved me.

"Oh, come on Bella! We'll have so much fun!" Alice pushed.

"I'm not exactly a party type," I so didn't want to talk about this.

"Well whatever. You'll see you'll be happy to go." She crossed her arms across her chest.

"I'm looking forward to seeing that," Edward laughed.

Alice just frowned but let it finally go. After this little thing we were good and I was happy and enjoying the company. Alice had a boyfriend, Jasper, and promised I'd meet him eventually but soon and I was happy just to hear about happiness of someone else. It seemed so nice, to be this carefree, to have friends that actually care.

It looked like I could have this too.

And it gave me hope.

Something I'd thought I'd lost. But now it looked like a possible outcome. Like the welcome one.

"So, it looks like I was here longer than I should. I've a meet up with Jasper at his in five minutes." Alice laughed.

"Oh Edward, mom told me she wanted to see you. That she hasn't seen you for ages. Christ Edward, you should show up at theirs too, they miss you." She hugged her brother and my heart soared.

"I know, I haven't seen them too long. Actually I want them to meet Bella. I want her to go with me."

"That sounds great!" Alice claimed. "Okay, I really have to go now. See you both soon!" She hugged me too and was out of the door, running toward the elevator.

I closed the door behind her and felt the immediate awkward tension between Edward and me. I didn't want to panic, so I broke it with something neutral.

"Alice's very, very friendly. I really like her." I smiled softly as I sat down on the couch.

"Yeah, she's the one I go to when I need to cheer up. My other sister is more… rational, I guess," he laughed.

I really didn't know what to say and felt myself growing more and more tense. He sat down beside me and I heard him take a deep breath.

"Bella I want to talk about what you said to me before." He knew I knew what he was talking about.

"Okay," my voice shook slightly. I was fervently calming myself because my breathing was speeding up and slowing down like on a roller coaster.

"No, no, no, no! Please calm down," he scooted toward me and took me in him arms. I calmed within a second.

"There, that's better," he stroked my hair.

I took a deep breath and laid my head on his chest while sitting sideways on his lap. I heard his intake of breath and listened intently to the words that poured from his mouth.

"Bella, I think that you've come through something that you never should have. Nobody on the world isn't that bad to deserve going through something like this, because it's unfair and it hurts. I understand that you need a person to rely on at the moment, and I willingly want to be that person. I just think… I honestly think that you don't know what you're talking about."

My eyes welled up with tears yet again. How he could doubt my feelings like this? Especially for him! He's caring, he's beautiful, he's gentle and understanding. How could I not love him?

"E-" He put a single finger against my lips to hush me.

"Let me finish please," I nodded at him.

"I don't want to underestimate your feelings or make you feel like you don't even know what you feel, but you have to admit that maybe it could be a bit of the point. Your feelings must be all over right now, aren't they?"

I nodded again and felt my façade slipping from my face. I was not good in playing brave.

"See, I think you need to figure some things out and then you can focus on this," he waved his hand between our bodies.

I gave him another nod and ducked my head to the crook of his neck. It was beginning to be my most favorite place in the entire universe.

"But," I whispered hoarsely, "the feelings that I've so confused inside of me right now has one sure and straight lead in them," I gripped his arm tighter.

"Yeah?" He muttered into my hair.

"Yeah," I replied. "I feel one very strong emotion that's more powerful than any other, and it's something that scares me a little because I've never experienced it before."

He just wordlessly continued on stroking my hair.

"I trust you, Edward. That is why I feel so comfortable around you. Because I know that you would never hurt me. Intentionally I mean, right?" I pulled away to look him in the eyes.

"Of course," he cradled my face.

"I didn't feel this safe and protected and comfortable even when Alice was here earlier. It's only with you," I tried to make him understand, pleading with my stare.

"Do you see my point? A little?" I asked hopefully.

He scowled and averted his eyes, but I was having none of it and grasped his chin with both hands to force him to look at me.

"I do love you, Edward," I needed him to know. I needed to be perfectly honest with him, because I knew that Edward understood me and I didn't want to pretend anything in front of him. Even if he didn't feel the same way, I still didn't have to pretend for once in my life.

I'd done enough of that shit.

He was looking back at me like a lost puppy in a downpour, and I couldn't resist anymore. I gathered up every ounce of strength that was within me and pulled him to me while clinging to him, and kissed him.

For the first time in my entirely too short life I kissed a man like this.

The sudden passion awakened in me and he kissed me back and I was desperately trying to get him closer. I shifted in his lap and wrapped my legs around his torso, effectively pinning myself against him. He pushed me down onto the mattress and a small whimper escaped my mouth as we pressed together. He didn't allow much of his weight on me, but I could feel the head radiating from him, seeping through our thin layers of clothing.

But the clothing kept getting into way and I started unbuttoning his shirt. He froze and straightened up in mere seconds as I just stared at him when he tangled out of my legs.

"I'm sorry about this. I got carried away." He murmured, looking out of the window.

"What? What are you sorry for? I initiated this!" I hugged him around his neck to pull him back down, but he was solid in place.

"Bella, you don't this now. Trust me. You'd regret it later." Hi run his hand through his hair.

I sighed, but decided against protesting and rather got up and walked over to him. He opened his arms for me and I stepped in between his legs. He hugged me around my thighs and nuzzled his face to my stomach.

"I would never regret anything with you," I whispered. I knew the words were the truth.

He held me for a long time, before we saw the sundown and I knew he had to go. My heart instantly ached.

"I really have to go." He murmured and sighed. "I've some dealing with the stuff of my ex-girlfriend." I tensed at his words. "Don't worry though, Tanya won't bother you anymore. I'll make sure of it."

"I trust you," wad the only thing I needed to say.

**Author's notes:**

**Don't hate me for the lack of "L" words! We'll get there …soon! **

**I really want to apologize that I didn't update earlier. I've so much stuff to deal with in my personal life right now, and I simply don't have much time for anything. I'm happy I could finally post this one ****. Now, I've two things I wanna get through with your help! **

**First: I was wondering, if you would rather want me to update more often [like every second day] and the chapters would be shorter, or if you'd rather if I stuck with this long chapters and updating less often.**

**Your opinion?**

**Second: I would love to start another story, but since this is my first fanfic ever, I don't know if I should start now with another one. Plus I guess i've **_**the**_** idea and I wouldn't wanna loose it. **

**Your opinion?**

**Thank you for reading, for help and please tell me your opinions in your reviews! **

**Take Care! ~ Teri**


	6. Chapter 6 The Truth EPOV

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things**_**Twilight**_**, and no copyright infringement is intended. All songs included in this piece are the property of their original writers/owners.**

**There is no financial gain being made by this fiction.**

**OK, so this chapter is still a long one, but the next one could be shorter… I'll decide according to what u think about that short/long chap thing. **

Chapter 6 – The Truth

EPOV

Even when I didn't really need to go anywhere, I did need to get away from her to think. She was constantly clouding my mind and I couldn't think straight and focus on the problem. I felt the electricity and I always reacted as the biggest jackass alive.

I rushed our goodbyes and gave her only a light peck on her cheek, rather than let my thoughts to be clouded even more. I saw the worry in her eyes as I headed for the door of her apartment and it immediately worried me. I was getting sick of the thought of her alone in this place and in such a shape, but I really didn't have much of a choice when she had decided to declare herself.

I'd told her I loved her before, but that was in a very stresful situation, and I wasn't even sure if we both fully registered my words, because we'd never really talked about it. Until now.

I hadn't said anything when she said those words, because I had mixed emotions about it. At first I was ecstatic. Of course, because I was really feeling the same, and I knew I must've felt love, because I had been in a relationship for two years, before I met love.

Before I met Bella.

If you live in an unhealthy relationship for this long, even when you don't recognize it at the time - that it's unhealthy, you are still open to next alternatives, because you just have the feeling that the love and the true affection is not present. And then, when you're open to new emotions, to the emotions in this sphere, you recognize _the _feeling immediately.

When I was with Bella, I felt the tingling buzzing inside of my veins and it was driving me crazy. Mainly because I tried to keep my distance.

Bella was, on the other hand, absolutely inexperienced. Or so I'd figured.

Her emotions had been all over the place for a bit longer now, and I did not know whether she could really feel the same.

I think she couldn't.

Not because I think she wasn't able to. I was certain that Bella was among the most loving people, or better among the most capable of loving. The grieving over her parents was just proving the fact.

But maybe she needed just a friend. No, I knew she needed a friend, but I didn't know if she wanted _me _as the friend.

Or if she honestly meant what she said.

I wanted her to be happy, I didn't want her to stress out even more if she found out she wasn't really in love with me. I didn't want her to stop trusting herself and her feelings because she said something that she just couldn't keep and hold onto.

And maybe it was my selfishness, because only ever with Bella I felt vulnerable. Too vulnerable, an easy target. I might've protected myself a bit too.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I didn't want her to love me. How could I not want her to? I loved her! Why wouldn't I want to have it reciprocated?

I knew I needed to talk to someone about this, because yet again useless to help out myself.

When I got to my apartment and saw all Tanya's shit I wanted to shatter it into thousands of little, little pieces and blow them into the air like smog and other unhealthy shit that was in the air around. Because I that was just crap.

I so did not get how I could ever spend so much time with somebody like Tanya. I watched her counter in the bathroom and I could swear she could open her own small cosmetic salon from all the shit she kept here. I must have been blind not to see that she was this shallow. I retrieved her cosmetic bag from the drawer and didn't bother with being careful and swept the things into the bad with one swift movement.

If something breaks, I did nothing.

I groaned and decided to let her shit be in hopes that someone would eventually help me out. I flopped down onto the bed, my face hitting the pillow and I wished to have Bella in my arms right now.

I didn't know how, but somehow the exhaustion and the utter emotional disarray took me under, and I was able to close my eyes and fall into blackness of sleeping.

~O~

I woke up to a dull ache on my side and I slowly rolled over, realizing I was still in my jeans and on the top of the covers. I started to sort through the things that needed to be done today and my heart skipped a few beats.

I didn't know whether to talk to Rosalie or to Alice. As I'd said, I loved both of them and I was grateful I'd them as my sisters, but sometimes I don't know whether I need a mature advice or a spontaneous one.

Rosalie was studying psychology and that was kind of creepy, because I didn't want her to do some fucked up reports on me. But she always helped me, always when I didn't know what to do, she was the one who helped me out of shit. I was glad I had a mature sister like her, because it was something that could keep me on the ground.

Alice, on the other hand was the complete opposite. She didn't think about stuff and acted according to the situation. She'd never been in a situation, where she'd say "Okay, wait, I've to think about it." She was so spontaneous that it scared the shit out of me from time to time. She believed in her intuition and never cared about what the others think. I loved her too, because she was an endless optimist, and sometimes you just need someone who'd lighten your all-killing mood.

But in situations like this, I was completely helpless to decide who I should talk to. Maybe this was a bad idea and I shouldn't talk to either of them.

Mom.

Truth to be said, I loved my mom so fucking much and it wasn't in a way of a spoiled-fucking-rotten kid. Even though I may've been spoiled rotten at the time. I inwardly chuckled to myslelf. My mom was working for charity and had the most beautiful spirit. She always helped to everyone and always managed to calm everything in its wildest state. She'd been a model when she was young and even had had a chance in a few movies. Still she was the most selfless person I'd ever seen.

She stopped with the fame bullshit when Rosalie was born, and from then on she'd given all her time to Rosalie and then me and Alice. Rosalie was one year older than me and Alice was two years younger than me. The only thing that wasn't perfect in our awesome family was my dad.

Not that I didn't like him or whatever, but every time we needed something he was called off to whereverthefuck and we had to manage it on our own. He'd been a perfect doctor for a long time. He was known worldwide, and all the clinics wanted to cooperate with him in some way, which took him away from us often enough. His perfect attitude allowed him to represent the most known clinics and even when that was the reason why I hadn't really spend a huge amount of time with him, I was proud of him.

I was able to picture myself in his position, doing all the stuff to make people happy again, to make them healthy, and I hoped I was slowly working myself right there. The second year on the medical university hadn't been easy at all so far, but I was glad to have something to do at least. Now it was a little bit of a problem, because while I loved the medic shit, my thoughts were occupied with Bella and everything Bella-related.

Which brings me back to my panic – causing thoughts. When I thought about it really thoroughly, I wanted to talk with my mom. She'd always been a great support in everything I'd ever done she was the one who supported me in my decision. I wanted Bella to meet her. My mom would show Bella the love she truly deserved and more, happiness.

That's the only thing that was always present in our household. Happiness. Even when my dad was working his ass off every fucking second possible, I knew he did it for us too, and that had my respect. My mom was loving towards everyone and it was great, because she knew exactly how to make our home a happy place.

"Hello, ma," she picked up the phone on the second ring. _How the hell does she do that?_

"Hi Edward! How're you, son?" she sounded glad to hear of me. I'd not seen her in a while. Dad too.

"I'm good. Listen mom, I wanted to talk to you in person. Can I take you out for lunch today?"

"Oh, that would be great! I've not seen you in too long,"

"Yeah, I've shitloads of stuff to do, sorry."

"Edward Anthony! Watch your mouth!" I had to laugh at this. I was fucking 21, and she was telling me off for cussing.

"Whatever ma, I'll pick you up in two hours, ok?"

"Perfect, till then."

"Bye," I hung up.

After I took a shower I felt a little lighter, better. I thought about calling Bella, but I wasn't sure if she wouldn't get mad, considering I was with her all the time now. But a simple text wouldn't hurt, would it?

_Good Morning, Bella. I hope you slept well. What're you up to today?-E_

I threw my iPhone back at the table, nervously fidgeting even when she couldn't even see me. What the fuck…

I wanted to tell her I loved her. I wanted it so much it hurt, but I was selfishly afraid of getting hurt myself once she'd realize I was just a shoulder to cry on.

No, Bella's so not like that. She would never tell someone she loves them and then just took it back.

I thought my way out of the time left to meet my mom, and I found myself sitting across from her in one of the best restaurants in Seattle.

"So, tell me, what holds such urgency that _you _are taking your mother out for lunch?" she raised her eyebrows at me.

"Mom, you're making it look like I don't care for you at all," I joked back.

"Oh don't worry, I know you through, boy." She laughed, at me I supposed.

"But now, tell me. What's this about?"

Her smile slowly grew larger as I struggled for the right words. I begun to wonder if someone had told her about Bella already and I was sweating for nothing. I swore this woman enjoyed me being uncomfortable like this.

"So, it's about a girl," I started.

"MmHmm, so tell me more about it. What's the matter,"

"Well the problem is that she's not an average chick who I could just hook up with," I couldn't believe myself to what I was saying _to my mom._

"She's very beautiful and smart and fun, but she's gone through something that I'm not sure how to feel about,"

I was now looking my mom in the eyes, and she must've seen I wasn't joking anymore, not even close.

"Ok Edward, so what is that thing?" she asked in a soft voice.

"Her parents were killed and she was raped," I wanted to get it out as quickly as possible, because this simply hurt.

I heard mom gasp and she covered her mouth quickly.

"I don't really know all the details of it, because it's still pretty fresh and I don't want to bring it up just yet."

"How long it is, since…" she trailed off.

"About a week, I think."

"Oh my god, I can't believe something like this could ever really happen. I mean, yeah, I work for charity and I've seen things I never wanted to see, but this…" she waved her hand in the air, and it was enough to complete the thought.

"I know," I looked at the table between us.

"That's just terrible,"

"I know it is mom, but that's not really what I wanted to talk about."

"No?"

"No,"

"Okay, so what did you want to talk about?"

"I broke up with Tanya a few days ago," I said in emotionless voice.

"I don't want to offend you or anything, Edward, but I knew it'd end up like this,"

"Would you let me finish?" I glared at her.

"Sorry dear," she made a 'giving up' sign.

"I broke up with her because I love Bella," this got out of my mouth even faster.

She stared at me for a moment, expressionless face framed by long brown hair.

"You're in love with her…" she more like stated than asked.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"You've known her for a week and you know you love her."

"It's the feeling, I feel she's the one. I see it everytime I'm near her, feel the tingling on my skin when I touch her, you know?"

A lazy grin started to force its way on my mother's face.

"You're blushing," she said.

"What? No, I'm most certainly so not blushing."

"Oh you most definitely are! Oh god! I want to meet this girl that causes you to blush!"

"Mom please stop! There's more to it. She's told me she loves me,"

"Ohhhh I'm so glad for you!" she squealed.

"Mom! Would you _please_ let me finish!" I swear she was like a child sometimes. The waiter took our order and walked away without back glance.

"So she told me this but I said nothing in return because I was just shocked and I … uhm, I was I guess afraid,"

"Afraid? Afraid of what?"

"She's gone through so much that maybe her feelings are… just affected by that and she doesn't think clearly, you know, like once she gets from this state of nothingness, she'll realize she doesn't love me really and …" I didn't need to finish.

We got our meal and I started chewing on my mushroom ravioli. I loved them.

"So you practically think that she doesn't feel this pull, or whatever are you calling it, don't you?"

"Well, I…" I shrugged, unsure of what to say.

She thought for a few moments, while I literally trembled in my chair while forking a mouthful of ravioli.

"Edward, if you're saying you feel like this toward her, that I think it would be worth to talk to her about this, not to me. I don't think that you should tell her this from word to word. Just softly hint her about how do you really feel. I'm also sure she needs some support now, and if she's alone… I won't make it. No one could ever do something like this on their own. It's just not possible."

She had a point and I knew it. I had to help Bella. If I truly cared for her I would.

"Okay mom, I see what you mean, yeah of course." I rubbed my forehead. "I'm stupid,"

"Don't beat yourself up over something like this. You're in love Edward and I can see it radiating from you in powerful rays. I'm so happy for you, son." Her proud smile only proved her words and I was the rightness of the whole thing laid before me.

I could help Bella, and I was hundred percent sure she wouldn't make it without someone's help and I also knew I could be the one. Not just in this meaning.

Suddenly I my cell phone rang and I quickly fished it in my pocket.

_Sorry for not replaying sooner, I'm good just hanging around in the apartment. I hope you've a nice day. Hope I'll see you soon.-B_

A huge ass smile made its way through my features.

"It's her, isn't it?" mom questioned with a soft smile.

"Yeah, uhm would you mind if I …" I trailed off hoping she'd know what I mean.

She laughed. She fucking laughed at me I was sure.

Dammit! Damn love! I loved it!

I was grinning like a fool. It must've been hilarious to look at.

"Oh honey of course. Hurry up to your girl, and don't care about this," she pointed at the table, signaling me she didn't want me to pay for it.

"Thanks mom, love you," I kissed her cheek and almost flew from the restaurant.

**Esme's POV**

I'd never seen him smile like this. When his phone chirped and he read whatever she'd texted him, his smile would put the Sun in shame.

He'd never smiled like this with Tanya, never. I was so happy for him when I saw the pure love and happiness in his green eyes.

It was the same smile that Carlisle gave me everytime he saw me. Even after all those years we were still madly in love. And now I saw my own feelings in Edward's eyes and they were held for that mysterious girl. I wanted to make sure to meet her, and soon.

**EPOV**

I made my way up with the elevator, anxiously craving to hold my Bella in my arms and to feel her soft body against mine. It was a little over four and I figured I could take her out for dinner or something, because I was fairly sure she hadn't eaten her lunch.

I'd given the keys back to her so she would be worried I'd go spying on her at night or something, even thought I must say the idea sounds more than appealing.

I knocked on her door and waiter for her to answer. After a second I heard her footsteps behind the door.

"W-w-who's t-here?" she asked through the closed door and my heart almost broke at her frightened tone.

"It's just me Bella. Edward," I replied.

The door opened and there she stood, my Bella in her full glory.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey, I'm sorry for the-" I cut her off by lying my finger on her lips.

"It's okay, Bella. It's good that you asked."

"Come in," she invited me with a faint smile.

She led me to the living area and sat on the couch with her legs crossed. Fuck that's always a bad sign.

Right?

I felt kind of guilty. In the end she had told me she loved me and I was the one who had practically run off. I had to make it better.

I knew she was falling apart before me, because I could see her lower lip trembling with the tears she tried to hold back. I ignored her body language and went to sit behind next to her, leaning my side into the sofa and circling my arms around Bella's torso.

She tensed at first but quickly loosened her stance and leaned into my chest. I lifted her a little, just so I could move her to my lap, and hugged her even closer. She seemed gone absolutely limp in my arms and I wondered whether she was falling asleep.

But another thought struck me.

She was this comfortable with me. Even when I basically rejected her.

Wow.

It made me fall for her even more.

"Are you tired, sweetheart?" The name fell off my lips before I was able to stop it.

"Um …" she tried to right herself a little. "No, I just…" she turn to sit sideways in my lap and looked me in the eyes.

"I feel save with you." I hugged her to me because her expression was killing me.

She still seemed so broken and so sad, but I felt that Alice's visit helped her some.

"I'm glad you do," I murmured into her hair.

I pulled back and looked into her eyes once again. She had such beautiful eyes. I loved their brown mysterious depths. It told me nothing and everything at once.

"I want to talk about… you know, about what you said to me earlier," I immediately registered the scared look on her face.

"No, please… I just – I, I don't want to, okay?" she muttered with closed eyes. "Please,"

It literally hurt me to see her like this, I swore I would never cause her any pain like this.

"Bella, please, please listen to me." I gripped her jaw and forced her to make an eye contact.

"Please," she whispered brokenly.

"No Bella, you have to hear me out. Listen," I made sure she was at least listening.

"I only left because I'm selfish, please let me explain. I can't even begin to tell you how, how beautiful it was to hear you say you love me. Really, I think I've never felt my heart beat that strong. But I was terrified of the thought of getting hurt myself. It was something like self preservation or something I guess. But that's not important. I was afraid because when you told me I already loved you so much," I heard her gasp.

"I was terrified that you only told yourself you love me and after some time you would realize that you didn't really love me, and I would end up broken-hearted. I know it's selfish and fuck, you even had the guts to tell me first and I didn't. So I'm telling you now, Bella."

"I love you," I said as sweetly and softly as I could.

She just stared at me for a while, her mouth opened eyes wide and silent tears slowly descending her cheeks. I wiped them away with my thumbs and rested my forehead again Bella's.

"I'm sorry I ran off before," I half smiled.

"I'm glad you've woken up," she joked.

I could feel her warm breath on my skin and her body heat soaking into me. I'd never felt this good. I leaned in even closed and we both closed our eyes as our lips touched. Hers were so soft, molding gently with mine. Her hands went into my hair and my arms squeezed her close to my body, craving to keep her as close as possible.

She started to pant after a while and pulled back a little, and that allowed me to kiss her delicate neck. A very light moan escaped her lips and I knew I found the spot behind her ear she must've liked.

I laid her carefully on her back and hovered over her and kissed her mouth again. I kept my weight off of her, because I was beyond aroused and it just wasn't gentleman-like. I let the tip of my tongue run across her lip, silently pleading for me. She opened her mouth a little and I was able to taste her. She was so fucking sweet that I really get how it was possible that I hadn't came in my pants yet.

Yet.

Oh my god that would be something. I mean embarrassing as hell.

She seemed hesitant with her tongue at first but quickly grew more comfy and we started our little tongue dance. I loved her so much.

My right hand found her knee and I slowly begun to drag it up around my hip, despite my previous gentlemanly thoughts. I felt her froze and I pulled back abruptly.

"Shit, Bella, sorry I didn't mean to… I mean, I don't want to… You know, now. I just, sorry I couldn't resist." I hung my head apologetically.

"It's okay," she said breathlessly. "I just… Sorry, I'm not ready for… that." She averted her eyes when I looked up at her. "Yet," the last word almost lost in her whisper.

"Bella, it's okay, really. I'm so not going to force you into anything, I swear," I held her chin to look at me.

"Thank you," she murmured while looking me straight in the eyes.

"Anytime," I kissed her forehead and then just decided to pepper her whole face with kisses, because one was just not enough.

"I love you," she reminded me.

"I love you too, sweetheart," I echoed.

Bella was seated comfortably on my lap, while we did a little of talking about anything and everything and I remembered the original purpose why I'd wanted to come here, except to see Bella and to tell her I loved her. Sure that was _such_ beside point.

That made me roll my eyes.

"Aren't you hungry? I bet that you haven't eaten," I scowled at her.

She blushed and then tucked her head to the crook of my neck and shook her head a little.

Damn, I knew she hadn't eaten and it made me furious. She was already thin and I was pretty fucking sure it was out of dismissing food lately. I so didn't want her to end up in hospital again, especially because of something that could be avoided.

I took her shoulders firmly in my hands and pulled away, forcing her to look at me.

"Promise me you'll eat. Bella you must eat, do you hear me?"

She watched my horrified expression and nodded. "Okay, I'll eat more," her voice trembled cowardly.

"Come on, I'm taking you for dinner," I stood up with her in my arms. "And don't even think about saying no, because I won't hear it," I informed her casually.

She actually laughed a little at this and I was stunned how that sound warmed my heart. I was immensely proud that I was the one who made her laugh, even this little.

~O~

While at dinner, we found out many details about each one. Everything we'd said would've seemed utterly unimportant to an outside observer, but I had everything she'd told me memorized in my heart.

She was very surprised when I told her I'd gotten an acceptance to Dartmouth and Yale, and still decided for the uni of Seattle. I told her I didn't want to be that far from mom, because I knew she needed me near, even when she'd never say anything like that out loud. Bella was still shocked at this fact, but seemed to let it go in the end.

She, on the other hand, had yet to decide where to go to the college. I, personally, wanted her to go to the University of Seattle as well of course, but she said she didn't even know _if_ she was going anywhere.

It seemed ridiculous to me, because from what I'd heard from her, she was very clever and smart and most certainly an awesome piece for any college. She told me she liked writing and I immediately smiled at this. It suited her perfectly.

By the time we got back to her apartment, I felt as if we'd known each other for years, not days. I held her hand all the time and when we reached the elevator I wrapped my arm around her waist, sighing as she leaned into me.

I walked her to the door, sad at the fact I had to let her go now.

"Uhm…I… Would you want to come in for a bit?"she asked with what I hoped was a hopeful smile.

"Of course," I wasn't able to keep my happiness out of my voice.

"I want to ask you about something," Bella stated, biting down on her bottom lip.

"Anything, Bella," I beamed at her. She had still that doubtful look in her eyes and I pulled her to my lap as we sat on the sofa. "Just tell me, love," it felt so good on my tongue.

_Love._

"?" She blurted out at once. I didn't make out one single word.

"Sweetheart calm down and tell me, calmly, what is going on," I placed my hands on either side of her face.

"Would you go to my parents' funeral with me tomorrow?" she asked me softly.

I just stared at her, not knowing what to say or how to react. I started talking when she spoke up first.

"I mean I know it's Monday and you have your own problem to deal with I'm sure, but I just can't…" She hiccupped." I won't…Because I just can't," She started to fall apart in my arms.

"Shh, Love please, of course I'll go with you. I would never let you go alone, of course I'll be there, shh."

I held her together against me, and I wondered how quickly and sharply the mood changed.

From our carefree laugher into tears and pain.

It wasn't something the people of our age usually dealt with.

I started rocking Bella in my arms, placing soft kisses alongside of her jaw and neck and forehead. She seemed to be coming back down and calming and I let out a big breath of relief.

No panic attack, this time.

This time.

"I'm sorry," she abruptly muttered and shifted in my lap to steady herself a bit. "Sorry for reacting like that," she forced a little smile which was painful to look at.

"Don't ever apologies for this, sweetheart," I sighed as I hugged her fragile looking form close to mine.

I felt her lips against my flesh and felt the mood shift again rather quickly. She begun to suck the skin on my neck and jaw and then twined her fingers through my hair and pulled my mouth to hers.

Not that I was complaining or anything, but it just didn't seemed appropriate to let things go _this _way right now. She must've been doing it just because of what she'd said, not because she really meant to lead this further.

"Bella…" I moaned as her wet tongue swept across my lips once more.

I wasn't able to resist when it came to her tongue, so we kissed like mad people until my sane mind came back to me, which was fucking miracle, I might add, and I started to pull away.

"Bella stop," I held her shoulders.

She looked down into our laps and noticed the bulge in my pants but didn't say anything. After what seemed like hours, but were like two minutes, she finally spoke.

"I'm sorry I don't know what came over me," as she stroked the hairs on my arms.

"It's okay, love. Don't ever apologize for this either," I chuckled and kissed her forehead.

"Would you please," she started, but stopped mid-sentence.

"Hmm?" I asked contently against the soft skin of her face.

"Would you stay with me tonight? I mean just to…hold me…" she trailed off.

I pulled back and stared into her eyes for awhile before nodding.

"Yes," I murmured, and carried her bridal-style to the bedroom.

* * *

**Author's notes:**

Fisrtly I want to apologise for not updating as I'd originally planned. I would try to be better now, i swear! I'll be having more free time the ongoing days, so i could do more of everything.

**(!) PLEASE READ THIS**: Please tell me in review if you want me to write shorter chapters which would be updated like every two-three days, or to update less often and write this long chapters (this chapter's a bit over 5000 words)

Leave me some love & review, please.

~Teri


	7. Chapter 7 Goodbye, Hello BPOV

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things**_**Twilight**_**, and no copyright infringement is intended. All songs included in this piece are the property of their original writers/owners.**

**There is no financial gain being made by this fiction.**

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**Chapter 7 - Goodbye, Hello**

**BPOV**

The sun just begun to shine its rays of hot energy when I opened my eyes. I didn't know why, but I had the feeling I would regret ever getting up if I did. I found out the reason was very, too very simple.

I looked up and saw Edward's jaw. The left half of my body was pressed up tightly against him, and he was holding me to him even tighter by his arm around me. His chest was falling down and raising back up, slowly, deep breaths escaping his lips.

This was heaven, but what had yet to come would be my ending.

But now there was hope for me. Hope that would never had a chance if there weren't for Edward.

I somehow had the feeling that he would help me through this all and that he would heal me. Eventually.

"What are you thinking about, love?" I heard him whisper.

The answer to that was easy. "Everything,"

He thought about it for a moment before rolling over so that we were both on our sides. He brushed my hair out of my face, with loving expression on his.

"Are you afraid?" I knew what he was talking about.

"Yes," my whisper was almost impossible to hear.

"What are you afraid of?"

"Many things, I'm afraid of saying goodbye, I'm afraid that once that's done I will forget and won't think about them. I'm afraid I would feel too alone, I'm afraid of the future."

We were looking into each other's eyes, and it felt as though our souls were connected through our sights. He knew what I was feeling, I was sure of it.

"Love, you have some wonderful things ahead. You have yet to plan what will happen. And through that all, you will think of your parents and will never, ever forget them. They had given you life and you simply can't forget that. I've sworn I would help you and I will if you want me to. I love you, Bella."

I didn't even notice I was crying until his fingers caressed the wet skin under my eyes.

"Get up, get dressed and we will do it together, I will be strong for you, you can count on me," he kissed my forehead softly.

I didn't say anything. I was scared that if I said anything I would lose it. I promised myself I would make it up to him once I was in any condition for it. I would be strong for him too. One day.

But now, I had some farewells to be done.

**~O~**

I couldn't even look at the food on the table. My stomach was in knots and I knew if I ate anything I would throw it back up in no time.

Edward had gone to his own apartment in the morning to change his clothes and fresh up. When he got back I was already freaking out.

"Bella, you have to eat something," Edward said yet again.

"Edward I can't, please, just – I will eat something after…"

He studied me for a moment, frowning, before finally standing up and reaching for his jacket.

"We should get going," he nudged me gently.

He helped me put my own jacket on and led me out of my apartment, right to his car.

I remember nothing that he might have said to me while driving to the cemetery. I was stuck up in my own thoughts, feeling almost numb.

When we reached the cemetery with a small church by, I was shaking so bad that my teeth started to chatter. I was clutching the seatbelt in my hands, my knuckles white from the strain. I felt as if someone punched me into stomach. I knew I was hyperventilating, because soon I didn't seem to be able to catch my breath.

Edward parked the car and immediately turned to face me, the shaking mess.

"Bella, you need to calm down!" he held my shoulders, trying to stop the raising up panic.

"Bella, sweetie, please, would you calm down? Here," he pried one my hand off of the seatbelt and placed in on his chest, right where his heart was beating.

"Breathe with me, Bella. Focus,"

I felt the effect almost instantly I couldn't fight it even if I wanted. My breathing was slowly getting to the normal, my heart beating slowing down. I couldn't even think about how I would have done this without Edward by my side. I was sure I would have ended up buried here with my parents.

"Okay, let's go," I said, the brave Bella waking up within me.

I didn't even hear most of the words the minister said, only hearing always the words that were completing the little remembering-fest in my head.

_The beloved…_

_Their love would remain…_

_Had left us…_

_Would have wanted us to go on…_

_Would always remain in our hearts…_

I didn't hear anything else, I didn't need to. The memories I had were enough to have me crying. A set of warm strong arms were around me the whole time, desperately trying to ease the pain and soothe me.

It wasn't working. Not this time. This time it wasn't just weeping about fate's lack of humor. This was real pain, because the two people that I could only ever be sure of loving me had passed away and now were being taken away from me. And I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to face the real world yet, because every time I looked around myself there were happy faces that showed me how my life could never be this way.

Mourning from the loss of the dearest persons in my life, I vaguely felt someone tugging me upwards, but my legs wouldn't obey. I felt as if all strength was sucked away from my body, all the energy leaving me, as I was falling apart all over again.

I didn't know what was happening but suddenly I didn't feel the ground beneath my feet, yet still I felt oddly safe and knew I could give in to the person that was carrying me. My vision started to get too blurry, not just with tears, but like they were little stars dancing at the corners and in between them, black sheet covering everything else. The black became too much and I tried to shove my face deeper to the person's chest. It haunted me, it haunted my thoughts for a while and I felt I couldn't brace myself any more, as I let the blackness overtake me.

**~O~**

"Hell, Bella wake up," I heard Edward's urgent voice somewhere from a little distance.

"You can't do this to me, pass out just like that. Fuck," as his voice carried to me it was obvious he was pacing.

_Wait, he was pacing. Where… Where am I? What? Oh my god, what's going on? We were at the funeral but then… And he… And I…_

My thoughts were so confused and I had no idea where I was. The only thing keeping me from screaming bloody murder was Edward, spitting profanities and pacing around.

"Bella!" he yelled as he noticed me supporting myself by my elbows, looking around franticly. "Don't worry you're okay, please don't freak out you're in my apartment, because it was closer and you just, one moment I held you and you were crying but the next thing I know you're in my arms, passed out cold and I had to get you somewhere-"

I placed one hand on his rambling mouth as he kneeled by the sofa.

"Okay, I'm okay, I'm not freaking out or anything," I murmured looking him in the eyes.

He let out a gush of air, "Good."

He hugged me then, tightly to his body. Lifting me up, he sat on the sofa himself and placed me on his lap sideways, rocking me softly.

"You had me worried back there a little bit, sweetheart."

I almost snorted at the words 'little bit'. "I'm fine now, Edward, really. It was just too much; the minister's words and then my thoughts together with it." I shook my head apologetically.

"It's okay, Bella. We can go there again tomorrow if you want," he offered softly.

"Yeah, I really have to…you know, see-them," I closed my eyes and laid my face to the crook of his neck, sucking in a deep breath through my clenched teeth.

We sat there for a few minutes in a comfortable silence, neither he nor me wanting to spoil the peaceful moment. It felt so good to be in someone's arms, the ones where I didn't have to be worried whether something would happen to me or not. Just feeling safe. Feeling like someone is here for me, to talk to, to share thoughts with. Or to hold each other, offer some comfort, laugh with. And eventually… I knew what he'd want eventually.

What I… What I would eventually want.

Yes, I was sure I would want to make love with him one day. But now I wasn't ready to do that.

I started to panic at the mere thoughts that he might really want it sooner or now or something. I wasn't ready for that. I couldn't do it just yet. I loved him, yes but my mind sometimes reacted differently than I really wanted and I couldn't help it. I knew I needed to tell him what had happened before we even did anything. Because without that it could be anything that would set off the panic within me and I would lose it and ruin the night.

"Tell me what's going on in that beautiful head of yours. Please?" Edward's voice broke through my musing.

I just stared at him feeling the crease on my forehead and he reached his hand up to smooth the skin there and to make the frown disappear.

"Bella?" he repeated, reminding me he'd asked a question. "Tell me,"

"I, I just…" of course I blushed and my nature forced me to look down.

"What?" he gently held me by my chin to keep the eye contact with me.

"I can't- I mean I don't know if you w-want to, I just can't – not yet," I forced my chin out of his hold and with my face red as tomato, averted my eyes again.

An understanding probably dawned on him as he replayed my words again. He grabbed my sides then I wondered briefly if I'd made him mad.

"You thought I wanted to-, I mean I wouldn't, you know do that. Not right now, not when you're not ready. I won't hurt you like that, Bella. I won't take an advantage of you."

I knew this, logically, I knew that. But my body just had some instinctual protective system _ever since, _and set off every time my thoughts or events in general led, or may have led in that direction.

"I'm sorry I know you wouldn't , do, do what _he_ did. It's just, you know my body, it just-" he silenced me with a kiss and I froze at first, confused, but he pulled back before I had a chance to react any further.

"Stop. You have nothing to apologize for. I know you need time and I'm willing to wait. I sure as hell am not going to force you into anything. "

I hugged him tightly, "Thank you."

He kissed my hairline and stroked my sides.

"Let's watch some movies and have a nice evening," Edward suggested.

"Edward, my parents were buried today and you're-"

"Hush, Bella. This is pointless. You can't think about it every second. They surely wouldn't want you to stop living." He said softly but pointedly.

"I know I just…" I trailed off, not knowing how to finish.

"Come on," he smiled crookedly at me, and my heart instantly melted.

"Okay,"

**~O~**

We ended up on a bunch of pillows on the floor in his living room, watching some James Bond movies and even laughed and made jokes about it. Edward didn't get what was so unbelievably hot about an armed guy who was getting spewing punches but getting back none, and found ridiculous that every woman turned her head after him.

I spent a generous amount of time explaining to him that one, mentioning how everything 007 did just looked hot as hell. He shook his head at me, throwing his head back in a fit of laugher.

"Oh my god," he smacked his hand against his face, and I leaned back from him, trying to look mad but he had me read.

"Oh Bella, don't even try," he crawled to me quickly, grabbing my hands when I tried to tickle his sides and tummy.

"Bella, Bella," he said, his voice disapproving. "I'm not ticklish, but let's find out if you are."

Of course I was ticklish, and a lot at that, and he gratified himself by discovering each place and tickling it thoroughly. When I was out of breath I was sure he'd just taken all the energy from my body, and I lay limb in the pillows, just for him to mock at me.

"See, what you get from teasing me, little girl," he murmured in my ear.

I laughed, but it sounded like a forced moan, "Oh god, no more. I'm giving up."

He smiled triumphantly down at me before kissing my forehead, but I right now, the bold Bella was on, and I locked my arms around his neck and used the last bit of energy to pull myself up a little, just to press my lips to his.

He stilled for a moment, probably not expecting the kiss after our previous encounter, but recovered quickly and returned the kiss. After a few moments of innocent kisses I pulled back, still a little out of oxygen from the tickling season.

"Remind me not to challenge you in anything like this ever again please," I rasped on his mouth.

He grabbed me and rolled us so that he was sitting in the pillows now with my head in his lap and stroked my hair gently.

"I must say I quite enjoyed myself," he laughed and leaned down to kiss my cheek.

"Why do I seem to believe you?" I asked, sarcasm seeping from every word.

I really enjoyed just sitting like that, laughing at random and normal things, while feeling the weight of the world being lift off of my shoulders.

I looked at Edward and saw how happy he looked and I knew he would be able to help me through anything if I wanted, because I'd been showing me his affection so sincerely, that I just couldn't doubt that. I more importantly, I wanted him to help me. I wanted him to help me while I told him the story that I had tried to suppress in the last week.

I knew the sooner this was done, the sooner he could help me, and the sooner I could face the consequences of what had happened.

Because there was too much left unsolved.

_He _was still somewhere out there, maybe even spying me now, and I had no idea. My own thoughts screamed at me to run and hide and I didn't want that. I didn't want to live years in fear that he might one day catch me again and maybe even kill me.

I wouldn't wait for that.

I wouldn't end up on the rock bottom because I had someone keeping me above the water I could have sunk in. But I didn't, because Edward was here and he would help me.

I just prayed he wouldn't be too disgusted with me. I didn't want to even think that I'd been used for some sick sexual purposes, but I had been used just for that. And as much as I didn't want to admit that to myself, even I was disgusted.

My body was used like some unworthy piece of trash, and then thrown away just like a used old worn-off toy.

I looked up at Edward, who I had ignored due my inner monologue, and saw him asleep with his head against the sofa. He looked so content, with a small smile playing on his lips and his hands under my head.

Suddenly I felt weird, like I didn't even belong with him in one room. Like sharing the room would make it infected by my impurity.

I felt so sick and my stomach heaved and I ran to the bathroom as quick as I could.

I was crouched over the toilet, throwing up when I heard Edward's voice and I wanted to die.

"Bella!" he exclaimed as soon as he saw me. "Fuck! Are you okay? Bella!"

He held my body, when the last thing I wanted him to do was see me like this. I needed some space to recover from my own repulsive thoughts and I needed to do it alone.

I got up slowly, feeling his arm around my waist all the time and rinsed my mouth with water.

"Would you take me to my place, please?" I said, not even recognizing my own voice.

"Sure," he said quietly.

I knew he knew something was up but I couldn't look him in the eyes confirm the disgust. It was enough I was disgusted with myself. I didn't need to see the disgust in his eyes, it would kill me on the spot.

**~O~**

He drove me to my place, but not once since the bathroom he spoke. I felt a slight stung in my insides, but I reminded myself I had no right to be mad at him for not talking to me.

I wouldn't want to talk to me too.

I felt like crying but knew it wouldn't help me right now to break down before him like this. I didn't want him to at least think of me I was some lost social case. But maybe he already knew that. Maybe I would never see him again because I had messed up things too much.

I didn't get a chance to think about that though, because he pulled over at the building my apartment was in. I didn't know what to do and felt a sudden rush of panic at the thought he might never want to see me again, but he opened his own door and walked over to mine before I had even time to concentrate on the raising panic.

The panic came back the moment he locked his perfect car. He went with me, pushing the square button for the elevator and we waited together in silence for the lift. I didn't even hear him breathing because my own breaths were making me deaf toward all that little sounds around me. I was sure he could hear my labored breathing though.

He didn't comment it on the way up and walked me to my door. Right that moment my head spun so wildly that I lost balance and fell right into his arms.

"Uhm, I-I'm sorry," I uttered, not looking at his face again.

"'S okay," he replied quietly.

But his voice showed me we were nowhere saying goodbye just yet. It startled me a little and I instinctively looked up to his astonishing face and wanted to died inside when I really admitted to myself how heartbreakingly beautiful he was. I was so not good enough for him.

I couldn't even comprehend how could I ever thing that this god creature could love me the way I loved him. it was impossible. Simply not happening.

"May I come in?" he asked in a small voice.

"I'd rather have some time…alone now," I tried to make my voice sound strong, but failed miserably.

"Bella, I can't let you alone now," he stated calmly.

"What? Why?" again meaning to sound pissed, sounded more like desperate weeping.

"I know something's budging you, and I'm not letting you alone. The last time I spoke to you and say you like this was at the hospital when you…" he trailed off not wanting to continue the offensive thought.

"You know what? Let me alone!" I shouted over-weakly, even though that was the last thing I wanted.

"That's not happening, Bella," his voice was calm but cold now. "You can hate me then, but I won't let you hurt yourself or worse."

I turned away from him and opened the door to my apartment and walked in, sure that he'd follow in too.

I thrown my useless body at the first thing I found at least a little comfortable; the sofa. I didn't deserve more.

"Bella, what happened when I fell asleep before?" he asked in the wary voice, sitting by my side next to the sofa I was on.

There was no reason avoiding this. Still, "I don't know what're you talking about."

He groaned but didn't even try to touch me, which seemed like the next logical step. I didn't blame him though, I was disgusted to touch myself too.

"Bella that's bullshit and you know it, so spit it, and do it now!" he roared at me and I actually cringed a little. "You don't know how it hurts even me to be like this at you, but you must tell me," he ordered, his voice still strained.

"I-I-I just, I j-just," I stuttered I was starting to shake with fear because I just didn't know what to say and he looked so mad.

But really, what was I supposed to say? That I had remember it all? That I was so disgusted with myself that I don't even get how he could ever touch me, let alone kiss me? That when I'd put myself in his position I would have thrown up just at the thought of kissing me? That I was just gross and not worthy to be touched gently and lovingly because that possibility had been taken away from me?

"I-I am, just p-please, d-don't," I turned my head away from him.

"Bella, sorry, I didn't want to yell at you, you don't have to be afraid of me, but I understand if you are," he sounded really remorseful now and if I weren't obsessed with other thoughts I would have punched him right now.

"I'm not afraid, I just," I pulled up on my knees, kneeling on the couch now, hugging a pillow tightly to my breasts.

"What, Bella? You need to tell me," he sat up on the sofa in front of me.

I screwed my eyes shut so hard that my eyelids really hurt but I didn't care, I took a deep breath because I knew if he wanted to know he would get it out of me eventually.

"I, we, we were talking about making love at first you know, and I just, I realized how, just how disgusted I am with even myself. Let alone to ever think you would want to touch me that way. And it all made me think back about what happened and how he marked me. How I will never feel just clean because every time some good soul would try to claim me theirs that way, I would have those horrible images before my eyelids, reminding me over and over that I was used that way,"

I cried so hard at this point that somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered, whether my words were even intelligible enough to make out.

I didn't even realized I was rocking back and forth, hugging my own form until his hands rested on my shoulders to stop the movement and I looked up at him in slight surprise.

His expression shocked me. Literally kicked the wind out of me because I'd never seen a man crying before. Never, ever.

"Sweetheart I can't even begin to express how sorry I am that those horrible things must have happened to you," next loud sob broke through my throat and I leaned over my knees as if to put myself into a tinny ball and possibly disappear.

"I love you, Bella. No matter what happened back then, I love you. Nothing could ever lead me to do otherwise. You are so beautiful, not just outside, but inside you're perfect. You're a loving person, you can laugh the way that makes my heart melt and your simple content smile makes me want to be good enough for you. But what happened just makes you feel stronger and I know that with time, you will see so yourself."

I listened to his words and fervently wanted them to be true. I wanted to believe them so much and I tried to process them in my head the way it should make sense, but it still didn't feel right. It still felt as if he wasn't telling me everything or that he wasn't absolutely honest.

This thought hit me like a hard punch to my stomach. He couldn't be absolutely perfectly honest with me, or I just wasn't able to see it that way because he didn't know what had happened back then.

How he could say he loved me or that he wasn't disgusted with me when he didn't know what I had come through.

In that moment I knew I needed to tell him. I knew I needed to get it out if I wanted some solution. Even when I wasn't sure what that solution might be, I owed it to Edward. He'd done so much for me in such a short amount of time and I knew that if it weren't for him I would have been still in the hospital, and they would've been trying to talk me into talking to a shrink and it wouldn't have worked.

I'd come so far since hospital, that it wasn't even possible.

Yeah, I most definitely owed this to Edward.

"Do you understand?" he cradled my face in his hands, drawing subtle circles on my cheeks. "You mean so much to me."

That was enough, or I hoped it was enough, to make up my mind. I took a deep, deep breath and looked for the last remainders of the courage I had left, and spoke as evenly as I could.

"I think you deserve to know about that night."

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**Author's notes:**

So next chapter, yeah, Bella tells the story. The whole story.

Please hit the little **review **button?

Thanks for reading, means a lot to me.

~ Teri


	8. Chapter 8 Tell Me EPOV

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things**_**Twilight**_**, and no copyright infringement is intended. All songs included in this piece are the property of their original writers/owners.**

**There is no financial gain being made by this fiction.**

**A/N Below the chapter.**

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Chapter 8 – Tell me

EPOV

I had no fucking idea what had happened back then in my apartment, but it was obviously nothing good. Bella hadn't looked me in the eyes the whole ride to her apartment, and then when I wanted her to look at me I practically must have shouted at her.

I didn't want to be like this at her, but it was just starting to piss me off. A lot.

And then she told me she thought less about herself because she had been violated. Her words made me want to punch something, or someone, for that matter. And I was pretty much sure that if I would ever get my hands of the fucker who'd done this to my sweet loving girl, he wouldn't walk off that easily.

At first I didn't know what to tell her, because I didn't want it to look like I pitied her, even though inside of me I was. Every human in their right mind would pity a person that got raped, or even violated in some way. And who says they wouldn't that that's just a lie.

I tried to tell her how I really viewed her, because she was fucking beautiful and I needed her to know even when I knew she wouldn't admit it to herself just like that. But she was stunning. Not just on the outside, which was by the way spectacular. On the inside, she was loving and comforting and had great sense of humor, which was heartwarming. And what bad had happened before just made her stronger.

I knew this was still too fresh to her, it had been only a week ago, but if she started to talk now, she'd heal quickly. I was sure of it.

But then she said something I wasn't sure I was ready for.

"I think you deserve to know about that night."

**~O~**

We were sitting face to face on the sofa in her apartment, it could be around seven pm and we had yet to eat something for dinner, but since she had thrown up earlier and my stomach just started to be more than queasy, I figured we'd pass.

"Okay, I think, well if you think it'll help then I'm willing to listen," I told her softly.

She scooted closer to the edge of the sofa, leaning her back against the armrest and hugging her legs to her body.

"I don't know if I'll be able to say it all," she gushed out in half breath.

I didn't say any more though, I wanted to let her calm down enough to tell me at least something. I knew it was not going to be pleasant.

"My dad was a member of police, as you surely know. About a half of year ago, he just started to disappear from home more often, like, when he came home he went right back out and then came back home when I was long asleep. It was getting more frequent, and mom was beginning to be really worried.

"About a week before, you know, t-the accident," she paused to take a deep breath and compose herself a little. " He came home beaten up and mom said that was enough, and she went to their office to ask what the hell was going on. But there wasn't anyone registered under Charlie Swan. There was no person, they'd never heard the name."

Tears were starting to well up in her eyes and I so desperately wanted to hold her, but I knew her story was just beginning. But the urge was natural. I saw someone I loved hurt, and it hurt me too.

"Mom came back, dad wasn't home. She was crying for hours, and I didn't know what to do, because I had never seen her like this before. I let her cry and went upstairs to my room. About an hour on, my dad got back. He was red with fury and rage, flying around the house like a thunderstorm. I heard them shouting, but I didn't decipher most of it. I know they were talking about danger and that we needed to leave, immediately.

"Mom burst through the door in my room telling me to pack just basic stuff that we had to get out of there right that second. But then we both heard my dad shout. It wasn't like before at mom, this sounded really angry and full of hate. Mom ran back downstairs, telling me not to move. But I've always been curious," she laughed in mock humor.

"I went right behind my mom, when she disappeared behind the corner. I was almost down, but then I heard a bang. I knew immediately it was a gun because my dad was a cop, or I had thought he was, and I wanted to check on them if they were alright, but I wanted to run away too, and so I just stood there frozen, daring myself to breathe."

She was openly crying now and it hurt me so much that she had to tell me everything. But rationally, I knew there was no other way around if I was to help her.

Her fists were clenched tightly together, her knuckles white from effort. She took a few calming breaths, but her brow began creasing and I knew I wouldn't like this part.

"I heard my mom gasp and then she cried out because someone hit her. I heard her fall hard onto the floor and I heard muffled voice of my dad. I knew I was the next. I didn't know what to do because I knew if I move they'd hear me. So I just closed my eyes, waiting for the blow to come.

"And then I heard, I heard him," she growled the last word brokenly."He was hovering above me on the stairs telling me the best had yet to come. Then he yanked me upward by my arm harshly, leading me to our living room. I saw- Then I saw what that, what he'd done and I swear I wanted to be dead.

I inhaled sharply at her words. Just the image of her getting hurt was tearing me apart, let alone her being killed. She deserved so much better.

"My dad was tied up on the ground, obviously in so much pain and, oh god- he was bleeding so much! Mom was tied up too, lying next to him but her eyes were closed. At first I thought she was dead and my blood ran cold, bud dad saw my expression and shook his head a little. I remember being so relieved," she looked at her toes with teary red eyes and pained expression.

"But then he said we were going to have so much fun," she hugged herself tighter. "He just threw me on the sofa, in front of them!" A sob broke through her shaking petit body.

"My both parents were in that room! My dad was bleeding and I think I kind of thought he was going to die and it pained me so much that I wasn't even able to defend myself! My mom was slowly waking up from unconsciousness and I wanted her to stay out just a little longer. I didn't want her to see, I didn't want her to blame herself or anything," she wiped her tears. I saw she was desperately trying to make her voice sound cold and composed. She was failing miserably.

"Then he just did it, and it hurt so much. I cried the whole time while he claimed my body, and even there I was so disgusted," I wanted to hug her, to tell her she was beautiful and safe. "My dad was trying to do something, he wasn't able to speak as he was too week, but I knew he tried."

"When _he_ finished, he let me lie there naked from waist down and walked over to my parents. I heard my mom cry out as the man shot them both. I was sitting up the moment I heard the shooting. My parents were lying in a pool of blood, pale as ghosts… Then he just looked at me with the cold blue eyes and he seemed almost serene! I really wanted to vomit. I covered myself up as quickly as I was able to, because I felt his filthy eyes on me the whole time and it was sending negative shivers down my spine.

"Then he just slapped me and I fell into unconsciousness. When I woke up later, I was alone, still on the sofa, but there were people everywhere around and my parents were taken away and me, I was taken to the hospital."

"That's it. Now you know," she finished with trembling voice. The silent tears that were flowing freely down her cheeks made her knees wet as she had her head laid on them. It hurt so much to see this.

And I stared.

I just stared.

And then I fucking stared some more…

…Hoping the equal amount of pain I was feeling was being taking away from her.

But I knew it wasn't the case because she would be flying on cloud nine if that were true.

I felt agony on the inside.

I couldn't even comprehend how she could just sit here, with me, before me, telling me all this horrible stuff. Part of me didn't want to hear it at all. Part of my brain had just some kind of self defense, which straightened up and wanted to do its work and deny all this.

The next part wanted to listen, and take from her as much of pain as possible. I wanted to help her so much. It was shattering me on the inside, knowing what she'd gone through and knowing that no one had helped her.

But not now.

Now I would help her.

I looked at her, but she wasn't looking back at me. Her eyes were closed, I didn't even seem she was breathing.

I scooted over closer to her and touched her shoulder gently, "Bella?"

She shied away from me but opened her eyes.

"Please, I don't want pity. It would only make me feel worse." She whispered.

I think my heart was thoroughly damaged.

"I don't pity you, Bella. Of course I would never want you to live through something like this, but I know that pitying you won't help. But we don't have to think about it now." I really needed some rest.

"We can just lie down and watch a movie, or if you want to sleep I can go and come back tomorrow."

"No! No, please! Don't go anywhere, I don't think I could handle being alone right now. "I couldn't resist her brown and honest eyes even if I wanted to, which I didn't.

"Okay, I won't go," I smiled at her crookedly.

_Cocky much?_

_Shut up!_

"So what do you wanna do? I think it's enough of the heavy for a day."

"Could you – Would you mind to hold me for a second?" she asked in a small voice.

I almost laughed, really, I would pay to hold her.

"Come here," I pulled her to me in one smooth movement, but she pushed me down and we ended up with her on top of me.

She buried her face to the crook of my neck and almost immediately I could feel her wet hot tears against my skin. Her tiny body was heaving with quiet sobs, and it was as if I were holding her together so she wouldn't fall apart.

I loved that I could do it for her.

"Shh sweetheart, you're safe now. I swear I will take care of you. No one will hurt you again. You are so beautiful and strong, and I admire you – you've no idea. You're able to put up with so much. I would have broken long ago." Even though I was trying to calm her and reassure her, the words I spoke were beyond true.

I rocked her lovingly, taking in how her little form fitted in my arms, how naturally it felt. I knew this wasn't a breakdown like I'd been before. This was different. I knew she cried because of it all, because of the emotional stress she had been going through, because of the pressure…

Her sobs had quieted, and she seemed to be breathing fairly evenly, "Sweetie?"

She looked up at me and smiled sadly. I couldn't resist and so I just kissed her, slowly at first, savoring her. But then our tongues joined each other in a wild dance, and her hands slowly found their way to twist into my hair. I groaned and felt the heat rising up the magical scale in lightening speed. I became painfully aware of my suddenly-too-tight pants and knew we needed to stop.

_I _knew I wanted to have sex with her eventually, but now it wouldn't really help the situation. And I was sure she didn't even think about it because we had shit to solve first.

"I love you, Bella," I laid my forehead against hers.

"I love you, too," she paused for a moment, as if to catch her breath. "Could I –" she took a deep breath. "Could I go with you tonight? I don't want to be here alone. Please…"

I simply tightened my arms around her and nodded, "Of course."

**~O~**

A few days had passed. I was getting myself busy with preparing my family to meet Bella. I wanted her to meet them all, because I loved my family and I was sure they would love her as much as I already did.

The next thing I was setting up was finishing getting Tanya's shit out of _my _fucking apartment. She _still _had to boxes to go and it was beginning to irritate me to no end. She had told me she wasn't going to her parent's in the end, so I had figured she'd be getting her own place. But then she proudly accounted she's moving to LA to the most expensive part of the town. I didn't get where she'd gotten the money to live in there, but then I just settled with the thought that her parents must had donate her. Fucking Tanya bitch.

Not that I envied or anything, because I had money too, but this shit with her was just weird.

Later that week I talked with Emmett, one of my two best friends. As usually, I had been healing from the conversation ever since.

"Hey, man!" he'd yelled to the phone.

"Fuck, Emmett! Could you _please _stop yelling? I'm not deaf, _yet_."

"Yeah, whatever, sorry," I'd rolled my eyes at his response. "Sooo, Alice's told me 'bout Bellllla!"

I smacked my hand against my forehead and groaned. I should have told Alice to keep quiet. I wanted my family to know about Bella and I from me.

"That bad, huh?" he laughed to the phone.

"Emmett you will meet her soon enough. I need something from you though." I thought for a second how to formulate this. "I need you to try to look up something."

I told him briefly about the situation with Bella, editing a lot of details but telling him enough for him to confirm my previous suspicion. We thought Charlie Swan must have involved himself into something that led to his and his wife's murder. Not to mention about her daughter. Emmett promised to find as much information about Charlie Swan as possible, though he was not sure about any positive outcome since Mr. Swan's background was conspicuous through and through.

I wasn't sure about that myself, and I didn't like the thought of it.

Now I needed to help Bella with school though.

I knew she couldn't even stand the thought now, let alone thinking about it more seriously. But I didn't want her to close herself off and start living just in her apartment. Not to mention that she wouldn't probably even _live. _It would have ended up with having her in hospital all over again.

So I thought I would help her to get to the University of Seattle so she could be close to me and be where she had possibly originally wanted to go.

The problem was that the term of applying was already over. The applications were no longer accepted and the ones that were still arriving went right through window. Not just at the Seattle Uni.

She had told me she loved books, so her major would be literature, which I was sure of.

One call to my mom was all that it took and I could check this one as done. My mom would get Bella in.

"Okay sweetie, I'll see what I can do," I heard the smile in her voice. "But I want to meet her, soon."

I had agreed to that, because I wanted Bella to meet her too.

I was glad I had just one assignment for my summer break, but the thought of its end later in the month saddened me immensely.

I'd seen Bella throughout the week too. I would always stop by her place and she would be laying on the sofa, reading, or I would find her in her bed just staring off to nowhere. I was worried about her and was glad she had practically forced her spare keys back to me so I could get to her apartment without her getting up.

But my main concern reminded her lack of eating. Always before I went to her apartment, after a fair few hours of studying, I would stop to buy some groceries for her, but the next they I would find it all untouched. So in the end we would end up at a restaurant every evening, having dinner out together. I found it was the only way to force some food down her throat.

On the Saturday evening Bella let me spend the night and I held her close to me through the night, wondering whether she dreamed.

I woke up early. When I glanced at the clock on her nightstand it said it was after half past seven. I got up and I told myself that, for once, I could make use of the food I had been buying.

I made pancakes and fruit salad along with two cups of Early Gray and put our breakfast on a big tray. Quite pleased with myself, I made my way back to the bedroom. I found Bella entwisted into the sheets and I didn't quite get how she had gotten herself tangled up like this. I smiled at the possibilities.

I laid the tray on one of the nightstands and swallowed hard as I saw the tank top she wore had ridden up, close to the dangerous territory.

We hadn't been much physical and true to be said – I hated and loved it at once. I hated it because obviously, there had been _a lot_ of frustration on my part and seeing Bella without her bra in the bed was enough of torture for me. Plus it almost made me come just from the sight of her thin-fabric-covered breasts, and _that_ would be _really_ mortifying.

I loved it because it was confirming that our relationship –

_Wait! Shit! We're talking quite serious here, dude!_

And? I was serious about her.

I loved it because it showed our relationship was not only physical, and even when it wasn't physical much –

_More like at all…_

-we were still able to perform our affection for each other with simple gestures like hugging, kissing or sensual touching in PG-rated areas. And I loved every second of it.

I untangled part of the sheets from Bella and leaned above her.

"Sweetheart," I stroked her cheek gently and leaned in to kiss her forehead.

"Wake up, Love," I kissed her chin this time.

She made a primal sound and I felt her arms encircle my neck and tug down. I nuzzled into her neck contently and stroked her sides and bare tummy.

"I made you breakfast," I muttered into her neck.

"Thank you, Edward. You know you didn't – " I didn't let her finish.

"Yes, I know, Bella and don't you dare. You will eat it and I will see to it. "

She frowned but didn't argue so I lifted her up and sat her on the pillow while putting another one behind her back against the headboard.

"I'm not invalid, you know," she said in mock ire. I was glad she wasn't pissed at me.

"Yeah I know, but I love taking care of you." I reached out and picked a piece of pineapple from the bowl. "Now open," I ordered.

I fed her her fair share and then she took her turn in feeding me. I couldn't feel happier.

Around ten o'clock my cell phone rang. When I saw the ID I rolled my eyes, but then I remembered our last conversation.

"Hi Emmett," I turned away from Bella.

My blood run cold when I heard _Emmett's_ terrified voice.

"Dude, you better sit down for this one."

* * *

**A/N:**

**This one's a little shorter, but I will update at least two chapters in the next two weeks and i count that as a make-up *winks*. Plus, it seemes logical to cut it here.**

**PLEASE READ - I need a beta. I need someone who would pre-read the chapters and throw their ideas on me. If you are interested in helping me, you can find me on twitter /MissTBK/ or PM me here. Thank you.**

**Thank you for reading and if you can spare a minute I would love to read some REVIEW. **

**~Teri**


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